5/5/2008
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Almost 60 percent of the people surveyed in a July 2007 Pew Research Center report said divorce is better than an unhappy marriage.
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Two -thirds of the 2,020 people agreed it's better for children. If you're ending your marriage, here's how you can help your kids through it.
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Put them first.
Remember that your kids come first. Put your needs aside to help them through the divorce the best they can.
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Your kids can be selfish.
Be prepared that your kids are more interested in what's going on with them than what's happening to you.
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Keep them away from court.
If you're going to court or mediation, leave your kids with their grandparents or someone you trust. They don't need to be exposed to the legal workings of your breakup.
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Be vigilant.
Watch for sudden emotional and behavioral changes. If your child stops eating or suddenly flunks classes, these are signs that he isn't coping with the divorce.
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Get counseling.
You and your kids may need to talk with a professional to help you through.
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4/28/2008
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You're going to the lawyer's office to be deposed. Facing your soon-to-be ex's attorney and answering questions about your marriage are making you nervous.
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Here's how you can be ready.
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Tell the truth and be consistent.
Depositions are taken under oath. Whatever you say can be used against you at trial. You'll probably be asked the same question several times, so consistent answers will help.
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Get prepped.
Ask your lawyer to prepare you for the questions. Have him or her go through questions that opposing counsel might ask you.
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Review documents.
Go over discovery and other legal documents that may be brought up in the deposition. Familiarize yourself with them to help you answer questions.
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Keep your answers short.
Don't volunteer more than what you're asked.
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Take your time.
Don't rush to answer a question. Take a moment or two to develop your response before offering it.
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4/14/2008
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Going through a divorce can be stressful and wreak havoc on your physical and mental health.
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You can stay fit and healthy, though. Here's how.
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Get cooking.
Take a healthy cooking class. It's a way to treat yourself while you learn about nutritious foods and ways to prepare them.
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Get physical.
Run a 5K. Join a gym. Take a yoga class. Engage in some physical activity that will get you out of the house and make you challenge your body.
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Get social.
Make friends at the gym or at the cooking or yoga class. The interaction is good for your mind and soul.
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Hit the grocery store.
Buy low-calorie frozen meals or other quick, easy-to-prepare meals. It'll save you time and give you a reason not to head to the fast-food restaurant down the street for a calorie- and fat-laden burger and fries.
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Share a meal.
Ask a friend to go grocery shopping. Cook a meal together once a week. Freeze the leftovers and reheat them for dinner the next night.
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4/7/2008
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Your elderly parents have been married for years but are considering divorce to afford long-term health care or for other financial reasons.
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What can you do to help them?
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Buy an annuity.
Some annuities may not be countable assets to qualify for Medicaid.
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Consult an attorney for estate planning.
A lawyer also could help you set up a trust, some of which, such as those for irrevocable or special needs, may not be considered for older people applying for Medicaid.
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Pay for your funeral ahead of time.
The government considers this pre-paid expense a legal way to spend money before applying for Medicaid.
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Use the Right of Spousal Refusal.
Medicaid law says that the community spouse, the spouse who isn't in a long-term care facility, can keep his or her assets by refusing to support the institutionalized spouse.
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Get more information.
The Kaiser Family Foundation has information about health care issues. Read the report,
“Kaiser Commission on Medicaid and the Uninsured.”
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3/31/2008
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Legal fees come in many forms.
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Before you hire a lawyer to help with your divorce, you should learn about the fees involved.
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Consult fee.
The consult fee is charged when a potential client requests a consultation. It can be a flat fee or an hourly rate. You'll have to pay the fee even if you decide not to hire the lawyer.
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Retainer fee.
This is a fee you pay upfront to secure payment for hourly legal fees. You may need to pay more once the retainer fee is used up. Ask the law firm what its payment policy is.
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Avoid litigation.
If you can, try not to go to court. Try to negotiate and compromise on a settlement. It will keep costs down and emotions in check.
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Shop around.
Don't hire the first lawyer you meet because you're desperate. Ask friends and relatives whether they know of any good lawyers. Remember that mediators also charge fees.
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Remember these figures.
The cost of a divorce typically ranges from $2,500 to $10,000.
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3/24/2008
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Tax season is here.
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Find out how your separation or divorce will affect your taxes.
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Who can file for alimony and child support deductions?
Alimony is tax deductible for the person paying it. It's taxable income for the alimony recipient. Child support isn't taxable income for the spouse receiving it, and it's not deductible for the person who pays it.
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Can I qualify for dependent child tax exemptions?
The spouse who has physical custody of a child for at least half the year can claim it, if, among other requirements, the parents are divorced, separated or living apart for at least the final six months of the tax year.
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Should I file as the head of the household?
Only the parent who has physical custody of the child for more than half the time is eligible for this filing.
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What about child care tax credits?
Only the custodial parent can claim this credit.
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Where can I get more information about filing taxes?
The IRS has many publications for couples going through a separation or divorce.
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3/10/2008
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Getting divorced doesn't mean you and your soon-to-be ex have to fight like Mike Tyson.
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The more amicable your divorce, the better it will be for everyone, especially if children are involved. Here's how to make your divorce civil.
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Be ready to grieve.
Be prepared to process the divorce as a loss, much like a death. You'll probably experience shock, disbelief, denial, anger, guilt, depression and, finally, acceptance.
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Take time to prepare.
If you're initiating the divorce, give yourself time before asking for it to prepare for what's ahead.
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Control your emotions.
Try not to respond to your spouse's negative feelings. Those feelings, and a heated response from you, will only hurt your children and hamper the divorce process.
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Get smart.
Learn about your finances now and what they will be once you're divorced. Find a good lawyer by doing research and asking the right questions.
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Remember that after the divorce you'll need time.
You have to heal spiritually, financially and emotionally before you can move on.
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3/3/2008
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5 SIMPLE STEPS: Divorce and taxes
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Tax season is here. Find out how your separation or divorce will affect your taxes.
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Who can file for alimony and child support deductions?
Alimony is tax deductible for the person paying it. It's taxable income for the alimony recipient. Child support isn't taxable income for the spouse receiving it, and it's not deductible for the person who pays it.
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Can I qualify for dependent child tax exemptions?
The spouse who has physical custody of a child for at least half the year can claim it, if, among other requirements, the parents are divorced, separated or living apart for at least the final six months of the tax year.
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Should I file as the head of the household?
Only the parent who has physical custody of the child for more than half the time is eligible for this filing.
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What about child care tax credits?
Only the custodial parent can claim this credit.
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Where can I get more information about filing taxes?
The IRS has many publications for couples going through a separation or divorce.
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2/26/2008
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When to leave a cheater
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You promised to love and to honor, but you've found a trail of receipts for hotel stays, romantic dinners and lingerie. None for you. You confront your husband and learn what you'd hoped wasn't true: he's been having an affair. Should you stay or should you go? These steps could help you.
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Is your husband or wife compassionate about your pain?
If your partner justifies the betrayal, dismisses your feelings or continues to cheat, it's time to go.
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If your partner takes responsibility, the relationship may be worth fighting for.
If he or she is willing to talk about the betrayal honestly and if the infidelities have stopped, the relationship may be saved.
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Ultimately, the decision to leave is yours.
Others may tell you what to do, but you're the one who has to live with your choice.
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Take time before you decide what to do.
Yes, you're angry and hurt, but deciding hastily won't help. Get as much information as you can about the affair or affairs.
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Take into account practical factors -- money, children and other issues.
Also remember to balance those factors with your emotions.
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2/13/2008
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Going through a divorce can be stressful and wreak havoc on your physical and mental health.
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You can stay fit and healthy, though. Here's how.
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Get cooking. Take a healthy cooking class.
It's a way to treat yourself while you learn about nutritious foods and ways to prepare them.
|
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Get physical. Run a 5K. Join a gym. Take a yoga class.
Engage in some physical activity that will get you out of the house and make you challenge your body.
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Get social.
Make friends at the gym or at the cooking or yoga class. The interaction is good for your mind and soul.
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Hit the grocery store.
Buy low-calorie frozen meals or other quick, easy-to-prepare meals. It'll save you time and give you a reason not to head to the fast-food restaurant down the street for a calorie- and fat-laden burger and fries.
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Share a meal.
Ask a friend to go grocery shopping. Cook a meal together once a week. Freeze the leftovers and reheat them for dinner the next night.
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1/25/2008
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Divorce and the elderly
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Your elderly parents have been married for years but are considering divorce to afford long-term health care or for other financial reasons. What can you do to help them?
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Buy an annuity.
Some annuities may not be countable assets to qualify for Medicaid.
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Consult an attorney for estate planning.
A lawyer also could help you set up a trust, some of which, such as those for irrevocable or special needs, may not be considered for older people applying for Medicaid.
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Pay for your funeral ahead of time.
The government considers this pre-paid expense a legal way to spend money before applying for Medicaid.
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Use the Right of Spousal Refusal.
Medicaid law says that the community spouse, the spouse who isn't in a long-term care facility, can keep his or her assets by refusing to support the institutionalized spouse.
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Get more information.
The Kaiser Family Foundation has information about health care issues. Read the report, "Kaiser Commission on Medicaid and the Uninsured." The White House has a fact sheet on the Deficit Reduction Act at www.whitehouse.gov
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1/21/2008
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You've divorced and you and your ex seem to be moving on, but your kids are still having a tough time.
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Here are five steps to help your children through a divorce, according to the book: "Children of Divorce: A Practical Guide for Parents, Therapists, Attorneys and Judges," by William Bernet, M.D., and Don R. Ash, J.D, M,J.S. (Krieger Publishing Company, $31.50)
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Give your children love and respect
AND instill in them that they need to love and respect their parents despite the changes in the relationship.
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Help your kids have two homes.
Spending the week with mom in your old house and then the weekends sleeping on a pull-out couch at dad's may make your children feel as if they're staying at hotel. CREATE some space for them.
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Find ways to create e enduring family traditions.
That may mean spending all Christmases with mom and all Thanksgivings with dad, instead of trading off holidays.
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Remember your ex is still your children's parent.
He or she has rights and responsibilities after the divorce.
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If you still feel overwhelmed or need to vent,
reach out to friends, family, church or support groups. You are not alone.
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1/16/2008
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Getting divorced doesn't mean you and your soon-to-be ex have to fight like Mike Tyson.
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The more amicable your divorce, the better it will be for everyone, especially if children are involved. Here's how to make your divorce
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Be ready to grieve.
Be prepared to process the divorce as a loss, much like a death. You'll probably experience shock, disbelief, denial, anger, guilt, depression and, finally, acceptance.
|
|
|
Take time to prepare.
If you're initiating the divorce, give yourself time before asking for it to prepare for what's ahead.
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Control your emotions.
Try not to respond to your spouse's negative feelings. Those feelings, and a heated response from you, will only hurt your children and hamper the divorce process.
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Get smart
Learn about your finances now and what they will be once you're divorced. Find a good lawyer by doing research and asking the right questions.
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Remember that after the divorce you'll need time.
You have to heal spiritually, financially and emotionally before you can move on.
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1/14/2008
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When you remarried, you thought your kids and his kids would get along just like Mike and Carol Brady's brood.
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Your attempts to blend families haven't been so easy. The kids fight. What's a biological parent and the new stepmother or stepfather to do? Consider these steps:
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Biological parents need to establish clear rules of behavior and consequences.
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You may still feel guilty for having divorced and gotten remarried, so you're letting your kids act out.
Don't let the guilt allow you to slack off as a parent. It's your responsibility to set boundaries.
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Stepparents should avoid taking on the role of strict disciplinarians.
That is, or should be, the biological parents' responsibility. Support the disciplinary decisions your spouse takes.
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Don't get discouraged by the challenges of a relationship with stepchildren.
Blending two families into one is a process.
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Remarried couples need to take time away from the children and to be alone together as a couple.
Remember what attracted you to each other in the first place
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1/11/2008
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You're planning to file for a divorce.
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Here are some things to consider:
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Talk about dividing your assets.
Decide how to split retirement accounts and profits from the sale of property.
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Remember the paperwork.
Gather Social Security numbers, including those of your children; copies of marital contracts such as prenuptial agreements; and financial documents such as tax returns, bank statements and credit and loan applications.
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Withdraw half the money in joint accounts.
You're entitled to 50 percent of it. A judge may decide otherwise later. If you withdraw only half, you'll appear fair.
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Lawyer, mediator or DIY?
A lawyer is useful when acrimony, children or large assets are involved. A mediator is good for couples divorcing amicably. Web sites offer state-specific divorce kits with how-to information for do-it-yourselfers.
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Consider the taxes.
Single ownership of formerly joint assets can come with a big tax bill. A tax-deferred retirement account can cost more in the long run than regular accounts in which taxes are paid incrementally.
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1/9/2008
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A new year brings thoughts of starting over.
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Particularly if you're going through a divorce and rebuilding your life. Here are some ways to make some resolutions.
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Start over.
You've made resolutions, such as sticking to a diet and exercising more, but never kept them. Admit that you failed to meet those goals; nobody's perfect. Just try again.
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Resolve to be happy.
Make resolutions that will help you be happy, not ones that will impress others.
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Write it down.
Write down however long you plan to stick with your resolution, be it six months or six days. Pat yourself on the back when you do well and forgive yourself when you don't.
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Don't go it alone.
You can make resolutions with others. For example, you can resolve to spend more time with your kids by going to their school plays or by going to the movies on Friday nights.
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Get help.
If you want to break an unhealthy pattern, seeking professional advice could help you attain your resolution.
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