Domestic Partners and Divorce

THE END WILL BE PAINFUL, BUT COMFORT CAN BE FOUND              

Ariel said she tries to help clients find their way to emotional health after a relationship ends. No matter the relationship, she said, it will probably be hurtful to experience the separation. “I don’t know that there is any way to avoid the pain of the end,”  Ariel said.            

She suggests using the strong sense of community to find support.  She recommends people either speak to a therapist, or speak to friends in the community about the end of the relationship.            

She highly recommends finding a way to ritualize the end of the relationship. For example, Ariel said, a couple might bring together friends to talk about what happened that led to the end of the relationship while affirming the love that the couple experienced. They might ask for the community around them to recognize the end of the relationship, and to support both partners as they find their paths to new lives, she said.            

“Talk about what was good, and what went wrong,” Ariel said. “Say goodbye in front of the community.”            

When a long-term relationship in her life ended, Ariel said, she had a similar ritual experience. She said she and her partner “acted with the understanding with the beauty of relationship in general.  We were keeping the other held with dignity and respect.”            

If the couple’s separation is more contentious than that kind of ritual would allow, Ariel said, then it might be more effective to reach out to friends in the community for support, and to discuss how to function within it after the relationship dissolves. Ariel said that, for those who are ending their relationships, comfort can be found in the idea that each relationship brings opportunities to learn.
 
“One has to hold up hope that each relationship tends to teach us who we are and make us stronger people, better prepared  for another relationship, if that is what is wanted.”  Ariel said.  

Michele Bush Kimball has a Ph.D. in mass communication with a specialization in media law. She has spent almost 15 years in the field of journalism, and she teaches at American University in Washington, D.C. She recently won a national research award for her work.  She can be reached at m.kimball@divorce360.com.