Divorce Fears Keep Couples Living Together

    Living with a partner outside of marriage is a growing trend. The number of heterosexual cohabitating couples has almost doubled since 1990. A major contributing factor for choosing cohabitation is the fear of going through a grueling divorce, experts say.

People who have suffered through a bad marriage and painful, expensive divorce are often reluctant to risk going through the experience again. Many people will view living together as an option with a faster, cleaner exit strategy. “It's not a financial thing for me, rather an emotional thing.” says Sheila Walker, 44, of Medford, Oregon, who has lived with her partner, Gerald, for seven years. “I had been married for eight long, miserable years...It was almost impossible to get out of that relationship.”   

COHABITATION GAINING TRACTION  

The U.S. Bureau of Census reports that the number of heterosexual couples cohabitating has climbed from 2.856 million in 1990 to 5.368 million in 2006. During the period from 1990 to 2005, the U.S. Bureau of Census reports that the number of marriages per 1,000 unmarried women age 15 and older has dropped 54.5 to 40.7 with the number of divorces dropping from 20.9 to 16.4. “We do know that the rate of remarriage has dropped for divorcees. The main reason is that they are living together and not remarrying.” says Dr. David Popenoe, founder and co-director of the National Marriage Project, Rutgers University.  

"Even though Gerald wanted marriage, I did not.” explains Walker.  “If we could stand together without the legal paperwork, it meant that we both really wanted this relationship to work.”  

The July 2007 Pew Research Center report "As Marriage and Parenthood Drift Apart, Public Is Concerned about Social Impact Generation Gap in Values, Behaviors," surveyed 2,020 people. The Pew report found that nearly half of the respondents in their thirties and forties had cohabitated at some point in their lives. The Pew report indicates that the majority of people under the age of 65 do not view cohabitation as a negative.  

Similarly, when asked how important it was for a couple spending their lives together to marry, 47 percent said very important, 23 percent said somewhat important, and 27 percent indicating it was not too important or of importance at all.  


THOSE LIVING TOGETHER UNSURE  

The Pew report includes 100 heterosexual respondents who were living with a partner. Of these, 64 percent have never been married. When asked if they wanted to marry, 44 percent did and 41 percent were not sure.  

The watchword appears to be caution. The risk and reward benefit assessment appears to be too close for some people. “Having no children together, the ease in severing ties was a big factor in our choice to live together," Walker said.

Popenoe points out that risk of divorce is greater for those remarrying: “Studies indicate that the risk of divorce for people remarrying range from 50 percent higher to almost double compared to first time marriages.”