divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

separation  :: information

Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?

Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?

My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?


Q: I want to separate for a while before divorcing. My husband does not believe in separation. Is a lengthy separation before divorce a good idea?  

Generally speaking, a trial separation should be a last resort because it is a risky proposition. If the marriage appears imminently headed for divorce, some period of separation is likely helpful as it is rarely a good idea to make important decisions under duress. 

When husband and wife appear to be more toxic to each other in their attempts to live together than they would be living apart, I always recommend a “constructive separation,” particularly when some major breach of trust or respect has occurred. A constructive separation may last for a year or more and is designed to be a time of active reflection and rebuilding without sexual involvement. It allows space for rebuilding friendship, restructuring values, healing through individual or couple’s therapy, and of course time to miss each other. 

When cooler heads prevail and the evidence of transformation is apparent for a sustained period, then and only then should reconciliation under the same roof take place. A premature reconciliation without demonstrated change defeats the purpose of the separation and has the potential to make things worse when old wounds are quickly re-opened. A good resource to guide you is "Boundaries in Marriage" by Dr. Henry McCloud. 

Pamela Thompson, Psy. D., is the owner of Building Bridges to Better Lives, P.C., in south Atlanta. She works together with a group of psychologists at a life and executive coaching firm known as The Novem Group, novemgroup.com. Answers provided by this column are no substitute for therapy.

divorce New this week::

Transition Institute: Telling Your Spouse You want to Split - Mental Health: The Dos, Don'ts of Telling Your Spouse You Want a Divorce


Your Kid Wants To Live With Ex - Tips On How To Cope If Your Child Wants To Change Homes


Living with a Habitual Liar? - Relationships: Four Ways You Can Tell if Your Spouse is Telling You a Whopper


divorce Community::
popular blogs
Bee Pollen Vitamins will supercharge Your Health and Longevity
Bee Pollen vitamins square measure various. There square measure several...read more 

How a Bumble Bee will cause you to slenderize
Bee spore supplements square measure believed to be the healthiest food by most...read more 

Tampa Bay afterpiece Fernando Rodney
Tampa Bay afterpiece Fernando Rodney to cull even at 3.TWINS 3, TIGERS 2DETROIT...read more 

get/give answers
Need some questions answered
My brother has been separated (living apart) from his wife for two years, but...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 

expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

2. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

3. The Signs Of A Controlling Spouse
If Your Spouse Is Doing This, They Are Controlling

4. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

5. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out