Tips to Tell Others of Remarriage

If you're getting remarried, it's normal to have questions about the etiquette of handling the news. Here are seven expert tips on how to do it properly:

1. Don't announce to anyone that you are remarrying until you are ready. This will ensure that no one feels burdened with a secret orthe urge to gossip. "I would say that until you're ready to announce the engagement to the world that you have no business announcing the engagement to your children and your ex," says Steven Kalas, a therapist in Las Vegas, Nev. "It's not appropriate to ask someone to keep a social secret like that."

2. Regardless of how you feel about your ex-spouse, unless you were in an abusive relationship, you should tell him or her. "Yes, the relationship may be estranged and difficult, but let's face it, most relationships are. That's why you got divorced. You should explain to people once they find out," Kalas says. "It's not honorable to let your ex discover it at a Starbucks from a random acquaintance: 'I heard Bill's remarrying,' and he says, 'I didn't know that.'"

3. Because the announcement is big news, you should do tell him or her on a more personal level, according to Dr. L. Martin Johnson in Honolulu, Hawaii. "If it's possible, face to face or on the phone, asopposed to e-mail. You need a personal connection."

4. When you talk with your ex-spouse, do not be afraid to tell them the news - no matter how nervous you are about it. "Put it in the context of, 'I have some very happy news, and I hope you will be happy for me,'"Johnson says. "'I've met someone, and I've decided to get married.' Be fairly straightforward."

5. Don't be surprised if your ex-spouse is saddened or disappointed upon hearing the news. "If they're less than warm and enthusiastic, just give them some time. Don't expect them to be your biggest fanand biggest supporter," says Johnson.

6. But don't expect your ex-spouse to warm up to the idea in only a month either. It could take years. "Not all divorces are mutual.  Ins ome cases, there is a dumper and dumpee, and dumpees tend to have broken hearts," Kalas says. "Therapy is a resource of support, but like any grief, you don't so much get over it as surrender it and eventually integrate it."