Two First Borns? Bad Match

FIVE TIPS TO KNOW IF YOUR BIRTH ORDER IS COMPATIBLE  

Birth order plays a role into who we are and how we live our lives, but some believe that they also predict compatibility. John Curtis, author of “The Business of Love” outlines a few tips to check to see if where you are born in your family is compatible with your spouse or ex-spouse.

1. Draw a Family Birth-Order Map.
Sit with your partner and draw a "birth-order" map for each of you that lists all siblings in your respective families, their ages and current relationship status, i.e. single, married, divorced!

2. Examine Sibling Personalities.
List the top three adjectives or descriptors both positive AND negative that come to mind that describe you and your sibling's personalities in childhood, i.e. funny, whinny, bully and how those characteristics may be in keeping with the stereotypical images of 1st borns, baby of the family or only child.

3. Define Relationship History.
Talk with you partner about how, if at all, these characteristics may explain you and your sibling's current relationship status/history, e.g. your whinny younger sister is on her 3rd divorce, the middle brother in your family has been happily married for 12 years, etc.

4. Recognize Your Shortcomings.
Identify the top personality characteristic connected to your childhood / birth order that might cause conflict in your current relationship and what you plan to do to prevent it, e.g. I was the baby in the family and felt spoiled, but I have come to realize that always getting may way will hurt our relationship.

5. Celebrate Your Strengths.
Identify the top personality characteristic connected to your childhood / birth order that might help improve your current relationship and what you plan to do to enhance it, e.g. I was the first born in the family and took on a lot of responsibility early in life, and I can assure you that you can count on me to take responsibility to keep our relationship happy and healthy.     



Lenore Skomal is author of nine books and columnist of an award-winning weekly column in the Erie, Pa., Times-News, she also teaches college journalism in Pennsylvania.