Divorced, Single? This Week's for You

    Divorced? Not remarried? You're not alone. And this week is your week, according to the U.S. Bureau of Census Statistics, which this week is celebrating National Singles and Unmarrieds Week.

There are a total of 92 million single or unmarried Americans aged 18 and older in 2006 -- about 42 percent of the U.S. population in that age group. Of that number, a total of 54 percent are women. 

In addition, 12.9 million Americans were single parents, 10.4 million of them were women. A total of 9 percent of all American households in 2006 were headed by single parents. That same year, about 6 million Americans were unmarried couples living in the same household, 5.2 million of those were opposite sex couples. 

"Unmarried and Single Americans Week," began Sunday, Sept. 21, and lasts until Sept. 27. The week was started in Ohio in the 1980s as a way to celebrate single life and recognize their contributions to society. The celebration includes the word "unmarried" because some Americans don't identify with the word "single" as they have partners, are parents or are widowed.

Divorce360 relationship expert Brenda Della Casa, author of "Cinderella Was a Liar," said Americans should celebrate singlehood.  "While there are people who might treat being single as some kind of some kind of ailment for which they need to apologize and excuse, the fact is that time spent flying solo is an amazing gift, it's just up to each person to unwrap it and enjoy the specific benefits instead of devaluing it or tossing it out of the window," she said.

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., aka Dr. Romance, agreed: "It's dangerous to think you can't be happy as a single person. Fear of being single leads to relationships of desperation, which are rife with pitfalls. Actually, people create their own happiness, single or married. It's equally easy to be happy in either state. Single people tend to be happy about having their freedom, being able to control their own environment, enjoying friends and family. They're unhappy when they feel lonely or unloved. Married people tend to be happy about having companionship, but unhappy about the difficulties of learning to create partnership."

Said Della Casa: "While it's nice to have someone to walk around with on a Saturday afternoon, having the freedom to spend your time getting to know yourself and the world around you without having to worry about how it will affect someone else's career, mood or schedule isn't exactly awful." 

"Our lives have significance regardless of our romantic status and the more we come to appreciate this fact, the more others will want to join in on the fun. I always get so frustrated when I see successful, attractive, smart men and women sit and place their lives on hold because they aren't in a relationship. I always try and remind them that when they are 90, they are going to look back and kick themselves for not going off to Paris, throwing more cocktail parties or accepting those invitations. In spite of what fairy tales, magazines, movies, friends and our Great Aunt Edna might tell us, our life starts the day we are born and not the day we meet someone to share it with," she added. 

If you're recently divorced and newly single, here are three tips to help you celebrate the week.

1. Get to know yourself again.       
People in relationships, especially difficult ones, often give up parts of themselves, said Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach from Virginia. They may give up friends, hobbies or interests for the sake of more time with their partners After break-ups, Coleman said, she advises her clients to take time to discovering who they are. “Spend some time on yourself, getting to know yourself, getting comfortable with yourself.  Perhaps pursuing things you didn’t have time for because of the relationship,”  Coleman tells her clients. This is the time to turn inward and discover who you really are, said Karen Jones, a Massachusetts life coach and author of "Men Are Great," a book that helps women foster better relationships with men. Jones said that after divorce, there is no better time to determine what is necessary in your life to be truly fulfilled. She said she often asks her clients one question to guide them on their path of discovery: “What would it take for you to have no regrets as you are breathing your last breath?” 

2. Make yourself happy.        
Get busy doing those things that make you, and no one else, happy. This is not a time to ascribe to someone else’s standards. Do what makes you happy, said Jones. “It that’s reading a stack of novels at home curled up under a blanket, you go for it,” Jones said. No matter who initiated the divorce, the unhappiness for both parties could have been going on for a while, she said. After the end of the relationship, work on finding happiness alone.  Jones said, “Ask, ‘Am I happy doing it?’” If the answer is no, don’t do it. 

3.  Plan your future.        
Think about what you want from your future. Would you like to learn a new hobby or go back to school or do something else you've always wanted to do. The plan is the key. “Make a plan to move on with your life,”  said Katrina Greene, who holds a masters in social work and is a life coach in New York. Planning what you want is more likely to make it a reality. “There is so much that can be done these days,” Greene said. “Take a class, do pottery, see friends. Deepen your relationship with your self, spiritual relationships, or relationships with others.”