Et Tu John Edwards?

    F.D.R., Dwight D. Eisenhower, J.F.K., Lyndon Johnson, Bill Clinton and who knows who else. Now John Edwards is the scumbag du jour.

Some will say that affairs are generally the rule for heads of state of most foreign countries. That being understood, Europeans are circumspect enough to believe that what you do in your personal life doesn't necessarily translate into what you do professionally. That has certainly been the case for many physicians who can be wildly addicted to drugs and alcohol, philanderers and more, but their professional competence is the last to leave them.

Some will also say, "Isn't it better to get screwed outside your marriage than to screw up a country" as some maritally faithful U.S. presidents have been known to do. So what are we to think and believe? 

TAKE OUR POLL: Is an affair acceptable if you're not in love?

It is unfortunate to have leaders that we admire and respect and tell our children to do likewise turn out to have feet of clay, or feet with their undershorts down around their ankles. This country sorely needs someone who at the end of the day seems worthy of our trust, admiration and respect. Maybe what is so sad is that almost no leader exists who will in the end not turn out to be deeply flawed in at least one area.

But a more complex question is this... If what we need most in a leader is competence (as in good judgment and the ability to get things done), can that exist side by side in someone with defects of personal character? I believe the answer, neither sadly nor gladly, but soberly is, "Yes, professional competence and personal flaws can exist side by side."

How so? The Gallup organization in its research on focusing on strengths has found that as we become older and if we wisely come from our strengths, our weaknesses get worse over time. Translated to this situation is that many of the most technically and professionally, goal-directed, competent people are the most incompetent at close emotional relationships.  

It is said that Bill Clinton could charm an auditorium or nation or a stranger, but if you try to really get close to him, either good luck or watch out! (the latter we have noticed in the recent campaign).
 
A final question is why do such powerful people stray? Bill Clinton said it was because he could. Power corrupting one's character is one possibility. Another is that powerful people tend to be narcissistic and being that way want to be adored, if not adulated. Also they can't stand to be confronted as the embellishing liars they can be. That is what a smart, no nonsense, "Don't-try-to-b.s.-me" wife like Hilary or Elizabeth can do with just a look.

So what are we to do? In less challenging times, we might have the luxury of taking their personal character flaws into consideration, but not now. Given the reality of so many serious problems facing America, we will go with the leader who is competent at solving them, and turn our collective cheeks the other way when they stray outside their marriage.



Mark Goulston, M.D., is a well-known psychiatrist, speaker, business trainer and coach as well as author of "Get Out of Your Own Way at Work."  He writes a regular column, "Getting through to Anybody," for divorce360. He can be reached at mgoulston@markgoulston.com.