Did Christie Push Him to Cheat?

    Can a wife push a man to cheat? That's the question on the table. Architect Peter Cook raises this issue during his first interview since his very public divorce battle with supermodel Christie Brinkley. "I was seeking a connection I could not find in my own marriage," Cook said about his affair with an 18-year-old during a conversation with Barbara Walters that will air Friday night. " I think I just suddenly realized when I was getting attention from someone else, that this is something that is missing in my life." 

Cook and Brinkley split after 10 years. And the two spent most of the summer battling about the custody of their children in a New York courtroom. Aside from the affair, Cook also talked about his $3,000-a-month Internet pornography addiction during the interview, which airs Friday on "20/20" at 10 p.m. "I wanted a little acknowledgement, a little attention, a little thank you every now and then for my efforts, for the amount of time I took to care for her and my family, for the wealth I was building. Just the tremendous amount of work I was putting into my family," Cook said during the interview.

He also complained that marrying Brinkley was difficult: "My world became her world. It had to be that way, and there came a time when I pulled up [to] the driveway to the home that I found, that I built, that I lived in, and I felt like I was a guest in someone else's life." 

"This guy probably does have a valid point, he's just so obnoxious, it's hard to see," said Long Beach, Calif., psychotherapist Tina Tessina, Ph.D., author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. "It takes two to build a good marriage, and two to ruin it. Couples have a strong tendency to focus on money, raising kids, career, and take each other for granted. That sounds like what he's whining about.  But, I'll bet he didn't give much from his side, either."

Relationship expert Brenda Della Casa was not so sure: "It could be that Mr. Cook, like many people who do things they are not proud of, is seeking some kind of 'reason' for his behavior," said Della Casa, author of the book, "Cinderella Was a Liar." "If he can say it wasn't his fault, he's not a man who chose a path anymore but, instead, a victim."

Infidelity expert Ruth Houston agreed. Houston, author of "Is He Cheating on You: 829 Telltale Signs," thinks Cook is parroting the views of Florida psychotherapist M. Gary Neuman in his controversial new infidelity book "The Truth About Cheating – Why Men Stray and What You Can Do About It." "Cook is not the only cheating husband to jump on the 'blame your wife' bandwagon," Houston said. 

Neuman has been featured twice on Oprah. Since then, "hundreds – possibly thousands -- of men have now embraced the flimsy excuse of emotional dissatisfaction as justification for having an extramarital affair. By latching onto this newly introduced, widely publicized --  and highly erroneous -- reason for why men cheat, Cook, a confirmed narcissist, (based on the opinion of the court-appointed  psychiatrist in his divorce trial) undoubtedly saw this as yet another way to thrust himself into the spotlight which he so dearly loves," Houston said.

According to an interview in "Newsweek," Neuman was researching infidelity and couldn't find statistics on why men cheated, so he decided to study it himself. He questioned 100 men who had affairs and 100 men who were committed to their marriages and wrote about his findings the book. "I think most people ascribe to the theory that men cheat for sex," Neuman said in his "Newsweek" interview.

That's not what his research showed. "The number one reason was feeling underappreciated. It was a lack of thoughtful and kind gestures...They like to win and as long as they are winning with their wife then they stay in the game. It is feeling underappreciated and like they can't win — and maybe they do things that make it hard for her to appreciate him — that usually leads them into dangerous waters. Appreciation is what they first and foremost get from the mistress," he said in a recent interview.

Cook, according to Houston, is just using the publicity on the topic. "Neuman's theory is that men cheat because they feel unappreciated, and don't get enough praise, attention or ego stroking  from their wives," she said. "You can see how this excuse would appeal to a narcissistic man like Peter Cook."

Houston responded to the topic in a blog called, "Wives to Blame When Their Husbands Cheat?"  "There is nothing a wife can do that is guaranteed 100 percent to keep her husband from having an affair," she said. "Keeping her husband happy is not the answer because happy husbands cheat, too. Just this year there have been three studies published in medical journals which prove that happily married husbands still cheat on their wives, and that even good (i.e. problem-free) marriages are susceptible to affairs. To say that certain actions or behavior on the part of a wife can prevent her husband from having an affair, is to imply that it's her fault if her husband cheats."

Della Casa agreed: "There are plenty of men and women who would like to have more of an emotional connection in their relationship that do not make the extremely selfish and damaging choice to betray the one person they have vowed to love and honor for the rest of their lives. There are many, better ways to handle conflict in a relationship from sitting down and talking about it with your partner to calling a marriage counseler and telling your spouse, 'We need to go now. Things are out of control and I am not happy.' "

"Some experts will say that a breakdown of a marriage is the fault of both parties, and sometimes -- I'll say that word again, sometimes -- that is the case but bringing a third party, lies and STD risks  into your relationship is the fault of the wayward spouse," Della Casa said. "The great thing about being an adult is that we have free will and with that comes ownership of our actions. This can work for or against us. It is a question of what standards you have for yourself and your word. This sounds like a person unwilling to assume responsibility for his own actions and seeking someone to blame."

After the announcement of the interview, Brinkley asked a court to shield the couple's two children from the interview by canceling Cook's weekend visitation with the children. In a statement released to Newsday, Brinkley lawyer Robert Stephan Cohen said: "It is a measure of Peter Cook's character that he has breached the confidentiality agreement that is in the divorce settlement and has sought to present this distorted, one-sided view of his marriage."

Della Casa said Cook seems to want Brinkley to take the blame for the disintegration of the marriage, but the bottom line is simple: "No one makes anyone cheat, lie or betray them, that's a choice," she said.


MORE FROM DIVORCE360

Tips to keep your spouse from straying

Advice, information and stories about infidelity. 

Photo by: David Shankbone