Christie Brinkley's Breakup

    Christie Brinkley may say she didn’t know about her cheating husband, but experts say she had to suspect – and that he wanted to get caught.

The dirty details of the 54-year-old former swimsuit model’s marriage to 49-year-old architect Peter Cook have been public for more than a week as the couple’s divorce winds its way through the New York family court system. At issue in the divorce is millions in real estate, three boats and other investments as well as the custody of their two children, Jack, 13, the son Cook adopted from a previous Brinkley marriage, and Sailor, their child together.

In her testimony, Brinkley painted herself as a happily married woman who was unaware that her husband of 10 years had a pornography addiction and spent $3,000 a month purchasing graphic images online before graduating to a full-blown affair with Diana Bianchi, 18, whom he hired after meeting her at  a local toy store in 2005.

“My world was completely shattered,” she said of the moment that she was told of her husband’s infidelity by the teen’s stepfather, a Southampton Beach police officer, who shared the information with her while she was at a speaking engagement in June 2006. “My life as I knew it had vanished.” 

But marriage experts said she simply wasn’t telling the truth when she said she didn’t know something was wrong in her marriage before the affair was revealed. The truth, according to nationally-known psychotherapist Dr. Gilda Carle, is: "He was living in her shadow. When a partner is living in someone else's shadow, the relationship doesn't have a chance in hell."

"She knew. Every single person always knows," added Carle, author of the e-book “How to Win when your Man Cheats.” "They may not know the details but they know something." As for Cook’s actions, Carle said: “Did he really think nobody would notice he was cheating on his wife – a wife that’s so well known? I think there was some part of him that wanted to get caught.”

Before the trial began, Brinkley fought to keep the media spectacle open to the public, an unusual move for a celebrity, many of whom fight to keep their private lives private. The move has allowed for the details of the couple’s intimate lives to become fodder for the traditional news media, bloggers and pundits alike. 

Peter Bronstein, a family law attorney at The Bronstein, Schuck and Poller Group at Dreier LLP, believes both sides are at fault. "Christie Brinkley is no saint in all this," he said, pointing out her series of marriage failures. And, he said, "Peter Cook has done everything wrong he could do. His addiction to pornography ...makes him a laughing stock to the world. Using a web cam to focus on yourself masturbating is as creepy as it gets." 

He said the divorce details have kept the focus off custody issues, which is what's really at issue since the couple has a prenuptial agreement. Brinkley has said the only thing she's told the children about the case was: "I think daddy has fallen out of love with me." She said she's also explained to them how important and loved they are.

College journalism instructor Lenore Skomal of Erie, Pa., was surprised by Brinkley's insistence to make the divorce details public. “I always come from the journalistic perspective to protect the public's right to information. But that right has to be tempered by the question: The right to know what?” she said. “To my mind, the details behind the breakdown of a marriage are not covered under that right and serve no functional purpose.”

Skomal believes Brinkley is just trying " to embarrass her soon-to-be ex-husband and publicly force him to ante up for his philandering deeds.” That's unfortunate, according to Kenia Maldonado, a family case analyst in New York State and founder of NY Anger Training:“…Divorce should not be a selfish matter especially when there are children involved. Exposure of all details in the media can cause the children to be ridiculed and ostracized."

Added Skomal: “The problem is that he is … the father of their children, and even if he is the biggest louse this side of the Pacific, the kids don't need to hear or read about it in the mainstream media....I fear that Brinkley …has made a crucial tactical mistake and her kids will sadly pay for it.”


THREE LESSONS TO LEARN FROM BRINKLEY'S DIVORCE

1.  Always be Emotionally Aware.
In news reports, Brinkley said she sensed her husband was distancing himself from her for months before she discovered the infidelity, said Dr. Carle. “That’s a red flag,” said Carle, who said spouses who sense something similar should ask themselves two questions: What does it mean? And, what should be done about it?

“You should always be emotionally aware of everything going on between you and your spouse,” she said. “This is particularly important if you have settled into a routine in your marriage.”  

2. Think about Your Children.
Maldonado cautioned divorcing spouses to “...take into consideration what types of information they disclose about their divorce to friends in the community and family because these types of details can come back to haunt you in the long run."

Carle agreed, adding: “Children should never hear this. It’s not fair to them…You can understand why she wants to get him back, but at what price?” 

Best-selling author and California clinical psychiatrist Dr. Mark Goulston said the couple’s children “at a risk for serious relationship problems” later in the lives for two reasons. The first may well involve the nature of genetics, he said: “...Self-centeredness may run in both parents.” The second potential problem lies in nurture, he said, given that the children are “being reared in a family where the father betrayed the vow to the wife and kids” and “the mother betrayed the vow to protect and prepare children for the best life possible by airing all the scandal” in public.

3. Forget and Remember.
Infidelity, according to Dr. Carle, can be an opportunity for a couple to improve a marriage. Of couples who face the issue, according to the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, 35 percent  get a divorce -- saying they wish they'd done it sooner, she said. Another 65 percent decide to stay together and make their marriages even better than they were before the affair, she added.  

First, she said, “You have to remember what got you to this situation so you don’t get into the same situation again. The forgiveness is for yourself,” she added. 

Carle said turning a negative experience, like infidelity, into a positive one means looking for the lessons that life is trying to teach us, understanding them and learning from them. We all have lessons that we have to learn in life," she said. "Perhaps one of the lessons for this woman is to develop depth behind superficiality. She’s a gorgeous woman, but that only goes so far.”           

Instead of doing what Brinkley did, trying to get back at her soon-to-be ex in a public forum, Carle suggests another way: "To me, the best revenge is living well," she said. 


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