Women's Finances: Get Rid of the Emotion

Going through divorce can make you feel like the captain of a leaky boat on stormy seas. There seems to be a new crisis at every turn. But don’t let uncertainty whip you into an emotional tizzy: the more frenzied your emotions, the longer the proceedings and the more costly the divorce. Here are five strategies to help you separate emotions from economics:  

1. Don’t let guilt rule you.
“Please release me, let me go” goes the country song, but don’t give up everything to buy your freedom. Your spouse will still be unhappy, and you’ll be equally unhappy when you find yourself impoverished by your foolish gesture.  

2. Don’t make nice to get him or her back.
Even if you hope your divorce will end in reconciliation, don’t bend over backward to make it happen. Stand up for yourself and get your share. If you reconcile, that’s fine, but if you don’t, you’ll still be able to take care of yourself financially.  

3. Leave revenge at the door.
Legally, it probably doesn’t matter who did wrong. Revenge is costly, and a wild rampage is bound to turn out poorly. You might even end up paying your spouse’s attorney fees.  

4. Don’t succumb to threats, or threaten your spouse.
Money and power are emotionally linked, but you can’t use money to control your spouse and get your way. Whatever you can’t agree on will end up being split between your attorneys.  

6. Focus on problem-solving, not fighting.
Don’t let meetings with your ex turn into posturing to show who’s in control or how smart you are. Settling your divorce is the problem you must confront, and it won’t get solved by fighting.    


Ginita Wall, CPA, CFP® is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and director of the Women’s Institute for Financial Education. She is author of eight books, including "The ABCs of Divorce for Women," and “150 Ways to Divorce Without Going Broke.”