Mediation Works: It's Never too Early

Q: My husband and I have decided to try a “trial” separation. I think we are headed towards divorce but he thinks if we go slowly and try being separated for a time, things may work out. I am concerned about our financial obligations and our children during this time. Is it too early to come to mediation to work out a “trial” separation agreement?  

A: Good question. Many couples come through my door in exactly the same situation you have described; one or both spouses are unsure of the future of the marriage, but are not ready to pull the plug yet. Mediation can be critical tool at this time to help the two of you plan for your future, in whatever path you may choose. Separation, whether a trial or not, is a difficult time. Emotions are high, feelings are hurt, old arguments may be at the surface and the situation is ripe for misunderstanding and battle. None of which will help the efforts to reconcile and in fact may set the stage for a lengthy, expensive, divorce court battle. Couples of things about using mediation at this point:

1. Going to mediation does not equate to automatic divorce. If anything it opens the doors for the possibility of reconciliation, if you choose.

2. A mediated separation agreement will clarify expectations about how the finances, children and other decisions will be made during this time.

3. Mediation will allow you both to explore what your lives will look like separated. For example, how will the finances look supporting two separate households?

Divorce is a big step. Mediation is an excellent tool to help you make the best decisions for your marriage and your family.

Philip Mulford operates Mulford Mediation, a full-time professional mediation firm. His writes a regular column called "Mediation Works," for divorce360. He has more than 18 years of experience in mediating divorce, separation, child custory and other issues with divorce. He can be reached at pmulford@rcn.com.