Mediation: Keeping It Friendly

Q: My husband and I are trying to conduct our property settlement via mediation and my friends says I’m nuts, but I want to keep this friendly. At what point should I consider getting an attorney?   

A: Many mediators are attorneys, but they have the mandate to keep it neutral and assist the parties in creating solutions they can live with. Ideally, when in mediation the power should be balanced. Often, however, it is not. If he has an attorney, you should have your own. If you begin to feel there is a power imbalance, protect your own interests by taking an attorney with you – even if he does not. Just because you’re mediating, does not mean the mediator can balance the power relationship and it does not mean you can’t bring an attorney with you. Also, if the reason you’re trying to keep it friendly is because you’re really afraid of the consequences of standing up for yourself, it’s time to call in help.  

Further, the job of a mediator is to ask the right kinds of questions that allow parties to air grievances, have their real underlying causes addressed (not resolved, but heard) and generate options which can be fleshed out to come to a satisfactory agreement. The mediator should not be making suggestions or guiding the settlement and should set guidelines for behaviors during the session. If you feel you are being bullied, threatened or intimidated by your husband during mediation, the mediator has lost control and that’s a red flag. You need an advocate/attorney and it’s time to shift gears.

Nancy Wesson offers seminars in Feng Shui, thriving after divorce and dispute resolution. She teaches at the University of Texas, Texas State and Austin Board of Realtors. She can be reached at nwesson@focusonspace.com. Her Web site is www.focusonspace.com.