Everyone Wins Mediation: Develop your Inner Boss

    One of the great problems in conflict resolution is the fact that many of us project the role of authority in our lives upon others. This can happen in romantic relationships, in the family, community and in the workplace. As soon as we project the role of authority in our life upon another, a power imbalance takes place in the relationship.

We are giving them the right to make decisions for us, establish values, separate good from bad. Most dangerously of all, it is natural to turn to this person for our sense of worthiness and approval.

When this takes place, that individual has an unfair advantage over us, not only in the resolution of a problem, but in many areas of our lives. And we are aware of it. Not only do we feel controlled by them, but inevitably resentment and resistance develops to their wishes, needs and views. For a while we forget that this state of affairs is of our own making. We have given away our inner power.

We have placed this individual in a state of authority, relinquished our own power and given up the right to have an equal, mutual relationship. At this point many start battling or struggling with this authority figure. They have forgotten that it is a simple matter to take our authority and power back. Once we find the inner boss, claim our own living authority, we will no longer have a need to project this role upon others.                        

The most powerful antidote to unbalanced relationships with individuals we see as authorities is to find “the inner boss” -– the authority figure within. Once we do this, the part of ourselves that is in command of our lives, that makes decisions and is responsible will emerge and our difficulties with external authorities subside.

ACTIVITY: Developing The Inner Boss:      
1. Describe a time you felt confident and in command. What were you doing?
2. Describe another time you felt in charge of a situation and were able to act appropriately. See what it felt like. What were you doing? Who was there? 
3. Notice what factors were present for you when you were able to act that way.
4. Notice how often these factors are present in your life now.
5. How often do you live with that confidence and command now? If not, make a point of increasing this. Bring the positive factors that helped you into your life now.
6, No matter how you may be feeling, act with that strength, decisiveness and confidence at least once a day. (Start by doing it in simple situations. Then build up to more).                     



Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.