Can I Use Mediation To Help With Parenting Issues?

Q: How will going through mediation be different from going to court in coming up a parenting plan for our children?  

A: Parenting is never easy. Add a divorce into the equation and the stakes just got higher. The traditional process of litigation does little if anything to encourage divorcing parents to sit down and talk about parenting post divorce. When a couple begins the divorce process few can ever imagine what it will be like to parent their children from two households or are able to foresee the issues that will arise. Most have the false sense of security that once they resolve custody, visitation and support the parenting issues are over. Having been in mediation for over 18 years that is one of the biggest mistakes parents can make and only leads to arguments and misunderstandings later on.

How are you both going to parent, make decisions and communicate post divorce when your child’s grades are dropping? Or your 15 year old daughter wants to go on a date? Or heaven forbid your child is injured and requires emergency care? These or similar situations will be part of any parent’s life, divorced or not.  In mediation, parents are able to address custody, visitation and support issues very successfully and come up with unique plans for their family. In addition, and probably more importantly, they create a plan to address the regular daily issue they will both face when raising their children; education, health, discipline, religion, third party caretakers, whether to introduce your children to a new significant other, travel, friends, after school activities and sports. As you can see the list goes on and on.

Most parents want a voice in these decisions. So how will all that work post divorce? Mediation allows for this planning and in the process helps circumvent assumptions and false expectations about how to address these issues that could potentially blow up. The result will be a clearer and more thoughtful understanding about raising your children and your role as parents. You and your children will truly benefit.

Philip Mulford operates Mulford Mediation, a full-time professional mediation firm. His writes a regular column called "Mediation Works," for divorce360. He has more than 18 years of experience in mediating divorce, separation, child custory and other issues with divorce. He can be reached at pmulford@rcn.com.