Signing up for a Prenup

OVERCOMING THE STIGMA
  
Despite the advantages, some couples resist a prenup. “There is a stigma. The idea that it’s love and caring versus cold cash,” says Ash. 

But the truth is that in any marriage, husbands and wives eventually have to talk about money and other assets. With a prenup, you’ll both face those financial matters sooner rather than later.   

“Emotions underlie the financial decisions that people make,” says Ash. “The issue that people have to work through as one considers marriage or remarriage is the role that money plays in that relationship. That is such a healthy area to work though in advance.”   

And well in advance is the key planners give when it comes to prenups. 

“A prenup drafted right before a wedding is not a good idea,” says Mello. “Give yourself and your attorneys enough time to consider it, draft, redraft, work with the other party’s attorney. Modifications are common and it should be collaborative effort.”   

Part of that collaboration should be with your attorney. You’ll want an agreement that is not only equitable, but that is ultimately enforceable. And for the agreement to hold up in court, says Ash, both parties must be represented by legal counsel -- separate legal counsel.

Plus, each state’s marital laws are different, so you’ll likely need professional counsel on just what is legally allowed to be included in the prenup.  

Most of all, though, you’ll want a document that you and your spouse, whether it’s a first or subsequent marriage, can be comfortable with. If you have trouble reaching such an agreement, that might be a sign that the relationship needs a little more work before you walk down the aisle.  

“If someone didn’t want to sign a prenup, and it seemed a fair document, it could be red flag,” says Mello. Of course, it could be an innocent objection. But that’s why it’s important to talk about it thoroughly and honestly with each other before speaking to an attorney.  

Turbeville agrees: “If you can’t get through the prenup you probably shouldn’t get married. If you can't talk your way through this, you're not going to be able to talk your way through other marital issues.”