Passionate Heart: Let Go of Divorce Negativity

    Depending on your situation, if you find yourself going through a divorce, it is probably not the easiest time of your life. There is likely a mix of emotions coming up which may include anger, sadness, grief and maybe relief and a little hopefulness, too. Whatever the emotional mix, remember that it is okay and normal to feel however you are feeling. At the same time, you probably want to move through those difficult feelings and turn toward what'snext for you. Maybe you just don't know how to do this.

Judy and Tom were married for 30 years before divorcing. When their marriage ended, there were no affairs, no yelling and screaming, not even difficult child custody hearings because their children were already adults. Both Judy and Tom felt sad that their marriage was ending and some fear about what life would be like without the other. Yes, there were feelings of disappointment and grief, but there was also a growing sense of excitement for each of them about their futures.

While this Judy and Tom scenario may seem too good to be real, in fact it can­ and has­ happened. What will make the difference between languishing in the painful feelings of divorce and moving through them with some sense of ease? Here are some tips to help you even if your divorce is not as amicable:

1. Find time each day to relax.
Relaxation means something entirely different to each person and often during a divorce, you "forget" how you used to relax. It might be taking a walk, seeing a movie or play, playing a game, or even taking a hot bath.

2. Keep entertainment positive.
Resist watching movies or television programs that pull you down and make you sad and depressed. While there certainly is a time and a place for mourning and for "doing your work" after a divorce, if you are choosing entertainment, choose something that will make you feel good.   

3. Don't be tempted to rehash details.
Politely decline invitations with people who want to pity you and help to keep you stuck ­even though they may think they are helping you. Of course you may need to talk to a friend about what you are going through but don't fall into the trap of continually reliving your experience.



Susie and Otto Collins are the creators of passionateheart.com or http://www.collinspartners.com. They are relationship coaches and life partners. Their formal training has been with Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks of the Hendricks Institute and Comprehensive Coaching U and with Dr. Belinda Gore. They can be reached at webmaster@collinspartners.com.