Motivational Tips: Life Tips after Divorce

    I sometimes have restless nights where I can’t seem to get my mind off everything I’m faced with. Often I’m thinking about my next move in this world. How about you? When your marriage ends, this can happen a lot. Divorce, and coping with it, has a way of mkaing your mind wander in these directions.  

After such a night not too long ago I went for a walk along the Grand Traverse Bay (one of my favorite spots) to shake off my grogginess and fretfulness. Walking east, the morning light cast an amber haze on gentle ripples easing their way to shore. I spied two sandpipers flitting in the sand, and a few sea gulls feasting on something that had washed up on the beach. A couple of minutes later, from behind the large breakwater surrounding the marina, came a powerboat disrupting the baby ripples, forcing more aggressive waves toward me.  

I made it over to the space next to the harbor house and looked north to the water’s edge, continuing the conversations in my head from the middle of the night, as well as trying to figure out what on earth I was going to write about for this column when I got back to my computer. Just as I started to head for home I caught sight of a mama duck and her babies making their way to the beach. Ten baby ducklings, all in a row. I said to myself, “They seem to know where they’re going and they’re doing it with purpose and precision. Why can’t I seem to get it together like that?”  

Then I wondered: What would be the ten things I’d need to do more of to get me closer to my dreams and a more settled life? After pondering it for a short while I came up with the following list, in no particular order (and all subject to change) that I intend to work on:  


10 TIPS FOR LIFE 

1. Get healthy, and lose weight, so I’ll look and feel better about myself.  

2. Clean out my closets, literally and figuratively. This applies to anything or anyone weighing me down.  

3. Tackle those things I tend to procrastinate over, taking them one step at a time so as to not feel so overwhelmed.  

4. Stop feeling the need to take care of EVERYONE all of the time, and start caring more about my own needs.  

5. Spend more time doing what I truly love to do (which is almost always tied to our purpose in life).  

6. Take the time to learn something new every day.  

7. Find something to be grateful for every single day.  

8. Work on my relationships, especially the ones I find the most difficult (gee, where do I start?).  

9. Catch myself every time I use negative self-talk, and think more positively.  

10. Meditate.    

When the issues of divorce are surrounding us, it’s really easy for everything to feel like one big jumbled mess. Taking the time to create a list of things we find important to our well-being (both inner and outer), and then actually acting on them, can help us feel more in control, more together. What “10 ducks” are you going to compile?

Nancy Vogl began a company in the early 90’s promoting motivational speakers including former First Lady Barbara Bush, Bobby Knight and Al Roker. Nancy is the author of several books, including "Am I a Color Too?," co-written with her daughter, as well as "Chicken Soup for the Single Parent’s Soul."