He Says...She Says

He says: I’m separated. I’ve been living in the basement for a few years, now. We aren’t physically intimate anymore and haven’t been for a while.  
She says: My husband doesn’t care about me anymore. He does his thing and I do mine.  

He says: My wife doesn’t take care of herself anymore, she’s not clean and she’s gained a lot of weight. I’m no longer attracted to her. The kids are her life.  
She says:  I’m in a rut and I don’t know what to do about it, he doesn’t say he loves me, and doesn’t show any signs of affection anymore. He’s always gone. The kids are my life.  

I say:  Wake up! What has been going on with you to allow yourself to get to this point? To the point that your husband of twenty years says he’s separated and dates other women. I’m not blaming you for what happened, I’m suggesting that you take a look at it, and question why this is happening? When did it start and why is it still going on?   

You can do one of a few things:  

1. Continue to go on this way, put on extra weight, lose yourself even more and wake up alone, sad, miserable and not enjoying your life. The children will eventually move away from home and if you don’t know who you are now, it will get worse when they move out, before it gets better.

2. Get angry and say the heck with him, I’ll show him (and me) that I can do this! 

3. Talk to him about your feelings. Open up, even if just a little bit and tell him how you’ve been feeling about yourself.  It could ignite something in him. Please don’t be alone with this.

4. Ask him to tell you honestly how he feels about you without the fear of hurting your feelings. Sometimes hearing it instead of feeling it may be helpful.

5. Talk to someone. Get professional help. There are reasons why you don’t see your value, your worth, even if he does decide to leave you, counseling will be useful in your next life.


Linda G. Robert M.A., M.Ed., is known as The Solution Lady for personal, self-care, wellness and life solutions. She's worked in the mental health field and education field for several years as well as in law enforcement. Find out more about her at www.lindarobert.ca. Check out her newest booklet at http://www.myarticles.thesolutionlady.com/index.html.