Everyone Wins Mediation: Sabotaging your Relationship?

    Everyone wants to be attractive, cared for and respected. There is no end to the diets, workouts and health plans we go on to accomplish this. Yet the most important diet of all has been overlooked. This is a diet that releases stress, relaxes muscles, offers sound sleep, makes you look and feel younger; and creates a positive outlook in your relationships. This is the diet from anger– one of the most insidious diseases of all.        

The reason such a huge proportion of our nation is on anti-depressants, and dealing with broken relationships can be directly traced back to the effects of anger, particularly the hidden kind. Not only do we project anger against others, but we turn it against ourselves in many ways, depression, mood disorders, passive aggressive behavior, promiscuity, domestic abuse are among them. These are all simply forms of self sabotage and sabotage of others.   

Anger that is overt is the simplest to deal with and understand. When we or someone we know is openly angry, we know what we can directly address the cause. However, much anger lurks beneath the surface, out of our awareness and manifests in endless ways. When we recognize anger for what it is, we have an opportunity to root it out and repair the damage it is doing. When anger is allowed to remain camouflaged it holds us in its grip and easily erodes the entire quality of our lives.

What To Do:       
Just as we work out daily in the gym to strengthen muscles and attain flexibility, it is necessary to work out and strengthen our ability to recognize and release anger easily. Then we become able to give up the various forms of anger and replace them with healthy antidotes. Some healthy antidotes to anger include:           

1. Letting go of blame.       
2. Forgiveness.       
3. Generosity.       
4. Seeing the best in others.       
5. Letting the other be right.       
6. Giving other the benefit of the doubt.       

Choose one antidote and work with it for an entire day. Then choose another. As we daily eliminate the toxicity anger creates we will notice increased mental and emotional well-being. We begin to feel so good, we just don’t want to allow anger to take hold once again.       

We all know that forgiveness is healing and allows us to move on in our lives, but there are few actual instructions on how to forgive. Anger is the greatest impediment. Each of the antidotes listed above will help you along the way. When anger is rooted out, forgiveness and healthy living arise naturally. Then we can make clear, life giving choices that are beneficial to all concerned – including ourselves.  


Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.