Everyone Wins Mediation: Relationship Quiz

    Before we begin to develop harmonious relationships, it is necessary to take a close you at the relationships you are in today. Most individuals simply react automatically, (either positively or negatively ) to those they are involved with. Automatic reactions are one of the greatest difficulties faced. Here we are asking you to take the time to stop reacting, pull back and look at the relationship carefully, to assess what exactly you want from this person. In this way you will stop reacting blindly and become able to respond. A response  is a mature, thoughtful and measured outcome to what is going on. It is driven by goals and values, not by automatic knee-jerk impulses.  

DISCOVER YOUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP BALANCING QUOTIENT

List each individual you interact with. Place a score next to each person’s name. Each person will be scored from 1-4.  
(1 – not at all; 2 – somewhat;  3 – moderately;  4 -- a great deal;)

a)   Each of these individuals are a positive force in my life.
b)   I feel at ease with this person.
c)   I trust this person.
d)   I communicate naturally with this person.
e)   I understand what they’re communicating to me.
f)    I am able to ask this person for what I want from them.
g)   I am able to give this person what they want from me.                                                            

SCORE                             
 7-12        Quotient is A1 – Unbalanced               
13-17       Quotient is A2 -  Moderately Unbalanced              
18-22       Quotient is A3 -  Moderately Balanced
23-28       Quotient is A4  - Well Balanced  
(Our goal is always to move the Relationship Balancing Quotient up.)  

Common Sources of Relationship Imbalance.            
In order to correct our imbalances, we must understand what the common sources of these imbalances are. Most of them can be corrected in a variety of ways. Notice where you fall in each of these aspects:            

SOURCE 1: Casting Blame.
It is easy and often natural to blame others for our own difficulties, failures, mistakes or lack of self esteem. We feel the other is diminishing us, or attempting to take something important away. Although we can find many proofs of this around us, become aware when you are blaming another and realize that by blaming another for your own trouble, you are disempowering yourself.  

SOURCE 2: Holding Onto Resentment.
When we refuse to let go of the wrongs we feel done to us, this resentment builds inside and inevitably affects our work and our moods. Resentment and anger cast upon another also must bounce back upon ourselves. This leads to an unwillingness to communicate or to receive the communications of others, causing many blocks and misunderstandings. A great aid in conflict resolution is letting go of resentment, the sooner, the better.            

SOURCE 3: Holding onto unrealistic hopes and expectations for the relationship and for ourselves.
This is an enormously important factor in preventing us from being in harmony, giving and receiving without obstacles. When the images, dreams or expectations we have of another are different from the reality of how they are behaving, this becomes a fuel for conflict. This is also true of expectations we hold of ourselves. Some individuals are always failures in their own eyes and believe others see them that way as well. It is enormously important to determine what our expectations are, whether they fit what is going on in the present, whether they are realistic.  



Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.