Everyone Wins Mediation: 3 Tips to Help Marriage

    Relationship Balancing teaches us the true meaning of responsibility, which is the ability to respond not to react. This must be learned and cultivated. Many problems in relationships arise because we react blindly. Reaction arises out of our automatic, conditioned natures that expect trouble at every turn. It is easy and natural to blame the other for what is going on. However, when we do this, we are shifting responsibility for the mess we are in. When we learn to respond, however, we automatically become aligned with the best in ourselves. Here are some stepping stones to follow, which enable us to respond, not react.   

1. Give the Other Person the Benefit of the Doubt.            
Most of the time, when something upsetting happens, we find negative reasons for someone’s behavior, see the worst in them. In relationship balancing, we turn this around and consciously give the other the benefit of the doubt. We find positive explanations instead, actively remember the best about them.            

By seeing the best, not the worst in the other we are balancing our natural inclination to find fault. As we do this, we will also begin to look for and see the best in ourselves, give ourselves the benefit of the doubt as well. Perception is fatal. As we perceive, so shall we be. What we see in others, we bring out in them. This is a true understanding of “responsibility”. We become responsible for how we perceive a situation, what aspect of it we wish to focus on. Out of thousands of possible moments and points of view, we choose those that will support the healing and love, not support negativity and loss.         

2. Do Not Give Up on a Person.             
We are often ready to “dump” a person because they are difficult to handle. This principal teaches us to stay with a situation or person, right through their difficulties. This does not mean that we can never leave or change a relationship, but even if we do that, we do not give up on the person, but hold them in our minds and hearts with warm regards.  

3. Stay in the Present. Let the Past be the Past.             
This step requires that we deal with things as they take place, be willing to start new every day. So many relationships flounder  because people never wake up to a new day. Reality continually renews and confronts us with new tasks and possibilities. Are we in touch with this ever flowing reality, or constantly dwelling on the past? Is our energy used up remembering how we were wronged and what we must do to make it right? Give this up and try the wonderful medicine of staying in the present and letting the past be the past.   



Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.