Anger Training: Emotional Makeovers after Divorce

    Recently, a friend of mine was chosen for the hit TV show, “What Not To Wear." For anyone who watches the show, you know the object is to makeover someone who is a walking fashion disaster. The nominee gets a $5,000 shopping spree that comes equipped with a stylist to assist with the transformation from rags to riches. It’s quite natural that after attending this TV casting, it inspired me to come back and make a list of tips and pointers for motivation. No, I am not giving away $5,000 and by no means am I saying you are a fashion misfit.  However, some of you are emotional wrecks walking around here with no clue about what’s next in your life after the divorce. So, I am here to help you for FREE! Get ready to be made over.  

Yours truly,     
Your own personal divorce “What Not To Wear” stylist    


WHAT NOT TO WEAR AFTER  A DIVORCE:

A frown
An angry attitude
Old Ragged Clothes
The Wedding Ring
A sign that reads, “ I just got a divorce, help me.”  

WHAT TO DO FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL MAKEOVER:

1. Clean out your closet.
Throw away all the things that remind you of your marriage or recent divorce. On second thought, just donate them to the local shelter or organization of your choice. Get rid of it immediately. It may actually help you start feeling better right away. You probably did not need some of these items and others you can replace.  

2. Go Shopping.
Here is where you replace those items that were discarded and buy some new ones.  Smile as you walk up and down the aisles. Refreshing isn’t it?  

3. Redecorate your Living Space/Office Space.
It’s over! Now you can move on and clear the clutter. Add new pictures and get rid of any of the memories that will remind you of what use to be.  Do not be afraid to let go. Explore your creative side and run with it.  

4. Get Pampered.
Treat yourself to a manicure/pedicure, wash and style your hair (try a new hairstyle), get your eyebrows done. What about a massage? Go ahead try it! Then, go to the local department store and get a makeup artist to “doll you up”. No one can love you more than you love yourself.  

5. Wine and Dine Yourself.
Plan a nice romantic evening for yourself. YES! For yourself..fall in love with YOU and your inner beauty. If you want to make it more exciting- go out to a nice restaurant ALONE! You only live once. Get to know yourself all over again- it should be worth it!  

6. Movie or a Book?
Pull that good movie or book from the shelf and dust it off. You know you want to watch or read it. Oh yes, you do! What about some ice cream or chocolates to go with that movie/book? I will wait while you make up your mind......ok so get started. Enjoy!  

7. Party like a Rockstar!
Haven’t been to a good party in a long time? Round up your friends and loved ones- it’s a CELEBRATION! Yes, celebration for the NEW YOU! This sure is a good excuse to have a party.   

8. Take a Vacation/Weekend Getaway.
It’s always nice to get away and relax. But if you can’t get away because you have mountains of bills after the divorce just plan a vacation anyway and set a goal to make this trip happen. Trust me researching your ideal vacation spot and looking for flights,hotels and car rentals can be fun. It’s time consuming and by the time you finish planning, you will figure out a way to make this vacation come true.  


THINGS TO DO AFTER DIVORCE TO COPE WITH ANGER

Go back to school or take a course.
Set new goals and priorities.
Write a book.
Start a blog.
Start a divorce support group or join one.
Learn a new language.
Try a new restaurant.
Get a gym membership to get the sexy you back.
Keep a journal (and a list of what makes you Angry? Sad? Stressed? Frustrated?)
Read your journal every couple of months.
Plan a trip to the museum, zoo, planetarium and other attractions in your area
Live life to the fullest. You are single again!  

Hopefully, some of these tips were beneficial to you. The idea is to love yourself more than you ever did. Enjoy the newfound YOU. After all, divorce should not make you lose your self-worth. It should allow you a chance to grow as a person and learn from your mistakes. Divorce is just another one of those painful life lessons one learns along the way. Repeat after me, “ I am beautiful on the inside and out."


Kenia Maldonado, LMSW and CAMF, holds a master’s degree in social administration from Columbia University School of Social Work. She is currently working as a family case analyst in the New York courts. She is also the founder of NY Anger Training. Kenia can be reached at nyangertraining@aol.com.