divorce360.com | Solution Lady: Take Responsibility in the Split

How do you get used to something that you really wanted, that you used, and that was helpful to you. If it were to be suddenly taken away you’d say, “no way”, I won’t be able to live without it. But if it’s accidentally taken away, you initially fight it (denial), get upset at it (anger), and eventually accept it. You adjust what you do, what you used to do with it and accept that it can no longer be, so you make due. What if you’ve had to readjust to the loss a few times and didn’t think it was going to happen again, for a long time, anyway and it happens again.

Almost sounds like I’m talking about a relationship. It’s easy to take someone or something for granted. I’ll start telling him/her how much I appreciate their presence in my life, tomorrow. I’ll tell him/her how I really feel, tomorrow. I’ll make up for my loss of control, my anger, by making a great supper. How many times have we seen ourselves say this, only to discover that, once again, it’s ok. They’ve forgiven you, or they say nothing, so it must be ok.

When do we decide to take full responsibility for our actions? When we lose it? When we’re caught red handed? When we’re confronted? And even then, we shy away from confrontation, we run, we hide we don’t want it in our face.

A few things have happened to me lately to make me wonder if I do take responsibility for my actions. Clearly in these two situations I didn’t. The first situation involves my friend and in this case, I was irresponsible, and took a chance. He was able to communicate his frustration in me, and lack of trust and I certainly didn’t like it. I don’t like being told that I’m not trustworthy, at times, and that my actions, upset him. I understood right from the first moment that we talked, that he was right and I was wrong. Still, he didn’t make it easy on me. Of course, that’s because, as a youngster, I was never held fully responsible for my actions. I was not accountable to someone or responsible to someone so getting ‘reprimanded’ was painful.

The second incident involved my lap top. The last time it crashed on me, wasn’t my fault. I was upset that I lost everything on my computer, but had some files backed up, so able to recoop a lot of it. The second time, my computer crashed was very recently, and it was my fault. Chicken Rice Soup from an open container seeped through my computer, and its monitor, and …well, what can I say “I couldn’t use my lap top anymore," I had burned a CD which contained a lot of information, but hadn’t saved it in two weeks and had started many other projects.

All this to say even when you think it won’t happen again, it could. When you assume that everything will be ok, it may not. So it boils down to taking full responsibility for your actions, facing the consequences when you don’t and taking small steps every day that will assure that you fully communicate what you want and need to your partner. Take full responsibility to back up your hard work, everyday. You can only be responsible for yourself, your thoughts, your actions, your feelings. By taking responsibility for what you say, do, think, feel, you are acknowledging that you can make a mistake, and that you’re willing to accept it and correct if necessary.

Linda G. Robert M.A., M.Ed., is known as The Solution Lady for personal, self-care, wellness and life solutions. She's worked in the mental health field and education field for several years as well as in law enforcement. Find out more about her at www.lindarobert.ca. Check out her newest booklet at http://www.myarticles.thesolutionlady.com/index.html.

Solution Lady: Take Responsibility in the Split

Mental Health: Take Responsibility for your Marriage, Divorce and Moving on

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