Solution Lady: Face Fear after Divorce

    When your marriage fails and divorce occurs, it's tough sometimes to get through the fear. Coping with divorce is a difficult process, and it can take some people many years to deal with the fears that divorce can bring. I know about fear. Lately, my fears have been triggered, and I've reacted in a negative way. I couldn’t believe that I was acting this way, but I was. I was afraid to face the situation. The fear was so strong it stopped me from moving forward. Eventually, I did what needed to be done to face it. I’ve written these tips in the hopes of helping someone who may experience fear while they are in the process of divorcing.   

1. Face the demons.
The only way to know if there’s monsters in the closet is by switching the light on, preparing yourself and opening the closet door. If you’re well prepared when you open the door, you will be able to face those monsters. So how do you prepare yourself? Taking a deep breath, taking one step, then another one, and knowing that you are doing the best you can, plus following the other tips below will help you a great deal when you’re divorcing   

2. Tell the truth.
Truth is that once you start lying and people know this, they will lose trust in you. Also, lies are difficult to cover up. It can be quite consuming after a while to remember the stories you have fabricated and it can eat you up while keeping it a secret. So face the music and tell the truth to your spouse, to your lawyer, to whoever you’re dealing with. You have everything to gain when you’re honest and when you speak your truth. Note that I said your truth. After all, that’s all you know and recognize. While some people involved in your process may not appreciate knowing the truth, it is the best you can offer and that’s what you want to live with.   

3. Get support.
It's always better to acknowledge your fear and to talk to someone when you’re experiencing the emotion. While some things may not make sense to your friends, they may be able to shed some light into the situation. For instance, some friends may help you see that while your fear may be very real to you, it may not be realistic. Others may say something very simple and it’s exactly what you need to hear to take the first step.   

4. Believe that everything will be ok.
I’ve not come to understand and to believe, that at the end of the day everything always works itself out. With a little faith, and a belief in a higher power of some sorts, things work out. Remember, the divorce process you are experiencing is exactly what is intended for you, so that you can continue to grow, to learn and to redesign yourself.   

5. What’s the worst case scenario.
Imagine the worst thing that can happen after you have faced your fear. Be willing to accept that, prepare for it, take one step forward, speak the truth and know that you’ll be ok.


Linda G. Robert M.A., M.Ed., is known as The Solution Lady for personal, self-care, wellness and life solutions. She's worked in the mental health field and education field for several years as well as in law enforcement. Find out more about her at www.lindarobert.ca. Check out her newest booklet at http://www.myarticles.thesolutionlady.com/index.html.