Solution Lady: Express Feelings about Divorce

     Do you remember when you were a child and your parent said, “Don’t cry. It’s going to be ok," or “Don’t be sad,” or “Don’t get angry!” Some of us were taught to avoid expressing our emotions, even though it makes us human. When we’re sad, angry or scared, we avoid those and other frightening emotions -- sometimes replace them with other emotions. When we do that, we avoid the process that will eventually transform into a new person. Some people eat their worries away. Some drink or use drugs to avoid the unpleasant emotions. 

I am not saying cry for the next two weeks or carry your anger with you. What I’m saying is that you should allow yourself to cry, get angry or express our emotions. It’s a very normal reaction in the face of divorce. It’s how we express our anger and how we re-channel it, that is important.

When assessing your situation, keep history in mind. I don’t have a history of violence nor did I witness it as a child. I am usually in good spirits. However, just like TNT when I was lit, I exploded. When assessing your situation ask yourself some questions: Have I witnessed someone express emotions in a consistent pattern? Do I have a history of the same repetitive behavior?

Your childhood experiences may influence your present day behavior. Remember, you may be your parent’s child but you are not your parent. You are you, with a completely different set of rules and expectations. You may have learned to be, to do and to say from prior experience. 

A few years ago, at the beginning of my ‘heightened awareness’ and ‘learning phase’, I went through a grieving period. I didn’t realize that I was depressed. My work and personal life were affected, and I was too proud to accept medication. I thought I could cure myself. A lesson learned.  Some times, medication may be required to help. 

At the time, I was masking my hurt with alcohol and drugs. Did it help? In the short term, yes. In the long run, it took longer to grieve. On the bright side, it was a positive learning experience. So cry if you need to, yel if you have to. But don’t hurt yourself or anyone else while you’re going through it. Don’t use drugs or alcohol to numb your pain. It doesn’t work, and you’re wasting precious time.

Please note if the outbursts or crying persists, it's best to get help from a professional.

Linda G. Robert M.A., M.Ed., is known as The Solution Lady for personal, self-care, wellness and life solutions. She's worked in the mental health field and education field for several years as well as in law enforcement. Find out more about her at www.lindarobert.ca. Check out her newest booklet at http://www.myarticles.thesolutionlady.com/index.html.