Sexcetera: At My Wits' End Over Sex Life

Q: I've been married for 24 years. My wife is the love of my life and my best friend. We have had our tough times, as any married couple does, but we have always come through with flying colors. We have three children ages 23, 16 and almost 2. I'm at my wits' end though, at the lack of sex in our life. My wife is always too tired. Her back hurts. She has a migraine . . . Me, I could go two, three times a day every day. I've learned that it isn't possible for my wife, though we used to go at it like rabbits. I love her forever - that will never change - but I need more from her. Please help me.


Steve: The first step is to talk about this with your wife in an unemotional, nonjudgmental way. Do you only want to have sex at the end of an exhausting day? Do you ever do special things to enhance the romance in your relationship, regardless of sex? Are there physical problems that are getting in the way? Once you answer these questions, you can take the next step, which could involve seeing a physician or a counselor. But don't give up!

Mia: I feel like we get a question like this every single week - a middle-aged man whose wife doesn't want to have sex. I'd really like to hear from women in this bracket, women in their 40s and 50s who are in long-term marriages and have lost interest in sex. How do they want their husbands to deal with it? Readers, please tell us. 



Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the Center City dating scene. If you want answers to your romantic troubles, e-mail them at S&M@phillynews.com or write: S&M, c/o Daily News, Box 7788, Philadelphia, Pa. 19101.