Reconnect with your Spouse

    It's a tough balancing act -- attending to intense personal needs and still nurturing a relationship. Celebrities such as Madonna have a personality that draws people in, the adoration of fans and strong feelings of power. These qualities lead to experiences that often are more seductive than the more ordinary routine of a marriage and family. With focused effort, you may find that the spark is not that hard to reignite .What follows are some tips on how you can reconnect with your partner:

1. Give your relationship the gift of time.
 Create moments of calm and pleasure in celebration of your relationship. Feel more treasured as you watch the dividends of your emotional investment grow. If long-term problems in the marriage surface, this is an opportunity to finally deal with them. Although marital issues are difficult to face head-on, the benefits can result in more honesty, a renewed sense of trust and greater intimacy.

2. Invite your partner to set aside an afternoon to spend together.
Plan an activity that you'll enjoy: rent a bicycle built for two, leave work early and meet at a museum, enjoy a picnic lunch at the park. Take a long cut. Stretch out the event itself and make it last.

3. Create a romantic and intimate evening at home.
This has likely been on your 'to do' list for a long time, so here's your chance to make it happen, time and again. Turn on the soft music, build a fire, light the candles. Cook a gourmet dinner together and share that bottle of wine you've been saving for a special occasion.

4. Decide to explore a new area of interest together.
It could mean taking a cinema class at the local community college, becoming more active in your local government, taking ballroom dancing lessons. Discovering fields that are new to you both allows each of you to enjoy the process without being critical or competitive. You can laugh at your errors as you learn together.

Dr. Rosemary Lichtman and Dr. Phyllis Goldberg have guided their clients through reassessing their lives, before, during and after divorce. They created http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, which provides coaching services and a free e-zine.