Passionate Heart: How to Decide if You Stay

    If you are thinking about leaving your marriage, we know that you want to make the best decision possible. In working with people who are in this situation and going through it ourselves, we've discovered that in order to make the best possible decision, you have to first stop all of the conflicting voices in your head and those voices around you. You need to sort out what you are feeling and what you want for your life. Here are three more questions for you to consider as you examine your situation. Allow some time alone to answerthese questions truthfully and in detail. Be honest about what you are feeling.

1. How have you changed since you entered into this relationship and have your wants, needs and desire for what you want in a relationship changed?
If there's one thing for certain, it's this -- we all change. Think about when you first got together with you partner.Write down how you have changed over the years, as well as how your needs and desires in your relationship have changed.

2. What do you want in a marriage right now and what do you think your partner wants?
Make a list of what you want most in a partner at this time in your life. If you can, ask your partner what he/she wantsin a marriage. If that discussion isn't possible, write down what it appears that he/she wants in this relationship.

3. What is the biggest payoff if you were to stay in this relationship and what is the payoff if you were to leave?
Here's where you really begin to see what you want. Your biggest payoff if you were to stay may be that you'll get to see your kids or live in the house that you're in right now. Your biggest payoff if you were to leave may be that you'll be open to connecting with a partner you truly want to share your life with. Honestly considering what you would be getting out of each of these scenarios will help you to determine what is right for you.




Susie and Otto Collins are the creators of passionateheart.com or http://www.collinspartners.com. They are relationship coaches and life partners. Their formal training has been with Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks of the Hendricks Institute and Comprehensive Coaching U and with Dr. Belinda Gore. They can be reached at webmaster@collinspartners.com.