Passionate Heart: Stop Focusing on the Pain

    From the news or just within your own circle of family and friends, it might seem that many marriages are ending. It may be happening in your own life to your marriage. Your tendency at this time may be to focus on what went wrong and the painful things that were said or done in the recently dissolved relationship. You might also be experiencing a lot of fear about how future relationships will turn out. Regardless of whether it was you or your ex who initiated ending the relationship, our advice is the same: learn from the past but don’t carry the baggage of the past with you into the future. Try these suggestions to help you begin moving into a future you want for yourself:


1. Don’t judge a relationship (or anything else) that didn’t work out as a failure.
If you open up to it, there is something to be learned from absolutely every experience. It may not seem so at the time, but what feels like a failure could actually help you to have just what you are wanting in the future. If looked at carefully, past relationships offer you the gift of contrast and allow you to see and create the fulfilling relationship you are wanting. When you find yourself labeling a past relationship a failure, we encourage you to shift your focus away from the success/failure dichotomy. Instead, look at the lessons you’ve learned and the clarity gained to know better what you want in a relationship.