Need Divorce Help? Get a Coach

Q: What's life coaching and how does it work?     
A: Personal or life coaching is a unique, intimate relationship. If you are disturbed, your coach understands. If you are stuck, your personal coach is patient. If you can’t wait to share a victory, your coach will celebrate. A good personal coach will not make you wrong, criticize you, complain to or about you. Sometimes coaching is face to face, while other coaches work over the phone, offering 30 to 60 minute sessions one to three times a month. Costs can range from $200 a month to $600 a month and up.                

Coach and client work out the details. Most coaches ask for a minimum three-month commitment. What Does a coach do? A coach observes your behavior and language and gives feedback that will move you past limitations so you can achieve your goals. According to Coach Rachel Disbennett Lee, author of “365 Days of Coaching – Because Life Happens Every Day” a coach does the following: 

    1.       Listens to what you are really saying and what you are not saying so the coach 
              can support the client in what is going on in his or her life and help. 

    2.       Supports you in setting and achieving goals that are out of reach, but not 
              unreachable. 

    3.       Will tell you the truth when no one else will. 

    4.       Is an advocate, supports you in all aspects of your life and takes a stand for 
              what you want to create. 

    5.       Will help you clarify your values and set goals based on those values. 

    6.       Will help you create possibilities:
              A coach will work with you to create possibilities both personally and
              professionally. 

    7.       Offers a new perspective. A coach can be objective and offer another perspective 
              to situations. 

    8.       Will help you achieve greater balance in your life. http://www.coachlee.com


Q: What's the difference between coaching and therapy?

A: Coaching is not therapy. Therapy helps you accept the truth about the things in your life that have led you to where you are. Coaching helps you accept the truth about your past and re-orient your life around that truth. It’s the difference between head knowledge, something you know, and heart knowledge, which is required for lasting change. The International Coaches Federation says, “While coaching uses information from the past to help the client clarify where they are today, coaching concentrates primarily on the present and future. It does not depend on resolution of the past to move the client forward.”

Ann Deaton, Ph.D., spent 20 years as a psychologist before becoming a personal coach seven years ago. “When I try to help people figure out if they need coaching or therapy, I draw three lines,” said Deaton. “Between the first and second lines, I write: ‘Designing a Vision for the Future: Moving Towards What I Want.’ Between the second and third lines, I write: ‘Coping with Loss and Change: Moving Away from What I Don’t Want.’ It’s that line in the middle that I ask them to pay attention to. Which side do they fall on? Are they needing help moving away from what they don’t want or are they ready to move toward what they do want?”

Sometimes, clients need both a therapist and a coach. “Times of transition are times of pain and opportunity. Having support for both is really valuable,” Deaton said.



Q: What are the benefits of life coaching?
A: The benefits of coaching differ for each person, however respondents to an ICF survey reported a range of benefits, including:

1. Increased self-awareness, 67.6 percent
2. Better goal-setting, 62.4 percent
3. More-balanced life, 60.5 percent
4. Lower stress levels, 57.1 percent
5. Enhanced self-discovery, 52.9 percent
6. Increased confidence, 52.4 percent
7. Improved quality of life, 43.3 percent
8. Enhanced communication skills, 39.5 percent
9. Increased project completion, 35.7 percent
10. Improved health or fitness level, 33.8 percent
11. Better relationship with co-workers, 33.3 percent
12. Better family relationships, 33.3 percent. 

Laurie S. Moison (Hall) has written for newspapers in Vermont, New Hampshire, Delaware, and Washington, D. C. Author of four books, including "An Affair of the Mind," she has lectured nationally on sexuality, forgiveness, ethics and spirituality. She can be reached at lhall@together.net.