Motivational Tips: Letting Go of Marriage

    There is an old adage that says, “The only constant is change itself.” If you’re facing the end of your marriage or you're in the middle of a divorce, you are about to be swept up in change – probably a dramatic shift from what you’ve known for a long time. Even if the change is, or will ultimately be, a good one, it can be unsettling nonetheless. Given that, it is likely you are experiencing some serious trepidations, worry, or at the very least, feeling uncomfortable about the unknown.       
 
Yet, if you are still walking this earth, our very existence, and the world around us, is about change, from our physical being to our emotional state to our circumstances. Just as the sun rises every single day, everything is in constant flux.  
          
Part of the difficulty of coping or accepting change is the need to hang on to the old. The old is familiar. The old is comfortable. And even when the old is damaging, or not supportive to who you are and where you want to go, it keeps you trapped. The old knows you, and you know it. Therefore, embracing change is not easy. But as change is inevitable, no matter who you are, no matter your circumstances, wouldn’t it be better to find healthy ways to accept the change? 

If at any time you find yourself going through a change that is difficult, divorce or not, being able to accept and embrace the sudden shift in your life comes with understanding the various reactions you might go through when faced with change: Shock or anger, sadness, grief, or disappointment, blame, heightened insecurities, feelings of being victimized, depression, states of inertia, lowered self-esteem, feeling like a failure.

Finally, after going through whatever negative states you might experience, you hopefully will arrive at a place of acceptance, through the process of letting go.   

When we let go of the old and find healthy ways to accept the new, we are able to see more of what is possible before us. Letting go means we are willing to let the good come into our lives – whatever that means to you. Letting go means loving ourselves. Letting go means finding ways to forgive. Letting go means we are trusting in the unknown and are preparing ourselves for our hopes and dreams to come to us. Letting go is having faith that everything is unfolding just as it should.  If you don’t believe this now, you will understand it eventually.      
 
If divorce is staring you in the face, may I suggest you find ways to deal with what is before you, and find ways to let go of what will be left behind. This may not be easy, and for some it will be more than challenging – it may even feel devastating. But anything you can do that advances you forward in a positive way is the only way to go.  After all, you’re worth it.   



Nancy Vogl began a company in the early 90’s promoting motivational speakers including former First Lady Barbara Bush, Bobby Knight and Al Roker. Nancy is the author of several books, including "Am I a Color Too?," co-written with her daughter, as well as "Chicken Soup for the Single Parent’s Soul."