If you boil it all down, bad communication is at the heart of every divorce. So says Lauri Puhn, a family and divorce attorney-mediator in New York, N.Y., and author of “Instant Persuasion”
(Penguin Books). While she agrees with what others in the field of matrimonial discord say about what signals a divorce, she has a different take on the causes and the solutions.
“The problems arise when you feel hopeless about your marriage,” said the 30-year-old. “When you feel like your marriage has no hope, you think the traditional rules of marriage don’t apply to you. You say to yourself, ‘I am not in a traditional marriage anymore. We barely speak to each other. She gives me orders. This is not in a good marriage.’ You don’t plan to cheat, but this type of thinking gives you leeway to reach out to find someone else. The hole is so big that it is waiting to be filled.”