divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

help  :: advice
Print
Email
The problems arise when you feel hopeless about your marriage.

Is Your Marriage without Hope?


Is Your Marriage without Hope?


Saving Marriage: Five Signs that You've Lost Hope and Are Headed for a Divorce


By LENORE SKOMAL

    If you boil it all down, bad communication is at the heart of every divorce. So says Lauri Puhn, a family and divorce attorney-mediator in New York, N.Y., and author of “Instant Persuasion” (Penguin Books). While she agrees with what others in the field of matrimonial discord say about what signals a divorce, she has a different take on the causes and the solutions.    

“The problems arise when you feel hopeless about your marriage,” said the 30-year-old. “When you feel like your marriage has no hope, you think the traditional rules of marriage don’t apply to you. You say to yourself, ‘I am not in a traditional marriage anymore. We barely speak to each other. She gives me orders. This is not in a good marriage.’ You don’t plan to cheat, but this type of thinking gives you leeway to reach out to find someone else. The hole is so big that it is waiting to be filled.”   


According to Puhn, not letting yourself reach the point of hopelessness is the key to helping your marriage survive. In fact, her personal list of the five danger signs leading to divorce is centered around the concept of lost hope.            


1. Unresolved arguments are on the rise.
You address the same problem over and over again, more and more frequently and “you can’t hear each other anymore, since you already know every reason in the book for him saying what he is saying.” Knowing that the problem won’t change leads to hopelessness.    “When you get married, you are happy because of you hopes for the future,” she said. “When they start to run dry, you lose that hope. You become worse and worse at compromise. You just don’t care anymore. You throw up hands. You give up.”             

2. Criticism in public.

“When you reach a point where you are saying critical, disrespectful things about your spouse in front of other people, it’s a sign you are in for a real problem,” she said. “Humiliation is a destructive emotion.”  The reason someone would do this, according to Puhn, is that he or she has pent up anger. “It’s a release of anger, and you mean to humiliate your spouse. You want everyone to know how bad your spouse is.”            

Page: 1 2 Last


divorce New this week::

Transition Institute: Telling Your Spouse You want to Split - Mental Health: The Dos, Don'ts of Telling Your Spouse You Want a Divorce

 

Your Kid Wants To Live With Ex - Tips On How To Cope If Your Child Wants To Change Homes

 

Living with a Habitual Liar? - Relationships: Four Ways You Can Tell if Your Spouse is Telling You a Whopper

 

divorce Community::
popular blogs
Good and cheap ? Yes, sir!
top 10 fifa coin sellers www.fifacoinsreviews.com Good and cheap ? Yes, sir!Our...read more 

Kroos started all seven of his country's actions at the newest World Cup
He did not start only one action at UEFA EURO 2012, with Sami Khedira, Mesut...read more 

Wenshu Monastery, Best Preserved Buddhist Temple
Wenshu Monastery in Chengdu, southwest on China Map, one of the attractions...read more 

get/give answers
why me?
Am I that ugly,fat bad person to every1 as he says I am? Why does he half to...Read Answers/share yours 

hes put me down so much
My husband tells me no1 wants me,I'm to fkn lazy,fat,ugly..trash talks about me...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 


expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

2. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

3. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out

4. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

5. The Signs Of A Controlling Spouse
If Your Spouse Is Doing This, They Are Controlling