Everyone Wins Mediation: Who's the Boss in your House?

    In our relationships, we often begin to see our partner as an authority over us. Many are out of control in their relationship with authorities. They project idealized images upon those they see as authorities, or those they see as in control of them. These idealized images can cause them to feel weak and inadequate. They then often create conflict with authorities to restore the power imbalance they feel. Some feel compelled to gain approval, others feel the need to assert their independence or rebel. All of these reactions are fuels for conflict and prevent a mature, effective relationship with the authority figures in our lives.  In order to release these unwanted reactions, it is helpful to take a closer look at what authority means to you.
 
Activity: Authority Index: Who Is The Boss?            
Score each item from 1-4  (1 – not at all;  2 - somewhat;  3 - moderately; 4 - a great deal or all the time;)

a) I feel superior  to most  authorities.
b) I feel authorities are out to put me down.
c) I must seek approval from authorities.
d) I think of ways of undoing what I’ve done for authorities.
e) I enter into power struggles with authorities.
f) I work best without having any authority figure over me.
g) No matter who is above me, I never really listen. I am always my own authority.                              

SCORE  7-12     
Balanced relationship with authority figures 13-17   
Moderately Balanced relationship with authority figures 18-22    
Moderately Unbalanced relationship with authority figures 23-28    

If you score high:
Realize that you need to take charge of your reactions to authority figure, undo your projections and gain more command in this area. 

Our automatic, unconscious reactions to authorities, fuelled by our projections onto them, keeps us out of control. We are not able to realistically see how they can help and support us and how we can support them as well. By releasing our unconscious projections and not allowing emotional responses to take over we learn how to function maturely and see these individuals for who they are. This is not a difficult process, although it takes patience and diligence. Most important of all it is necessary to remember that you may not have control over the person, but you always have control over how you perceive the person and how you respond.



Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.