Everyone Wins Mediation: Want a Supportive Marriage?

    The need for acknowledgment and recognition is rooted deep in the human psyche. Studies have shown that individuals are happiest and healthiest when they feel they are supported and acknowledged by others. By having one’s efforts noticed and validated an individual is encouraged to do even more. When we feel that we are not recognized or appreciated, the level and quality of our lives decreases. Therefore, a crucial step in creating a win-win enviorment is consciously offer support and validation to those you are in relationship with.            

To practice, find one individual you feel close to and decide to operate in a totally supportive manner for one another. Actively and consciously give each other the recognition and validation needed. Make sure you let each other know what it is that you need to feel supported this way. In addition, allow each other to speak openly of whatever might be upsetting and be assured that these communications will not be judged, minimized or countered. They will listened to and accepted as they are expressed.

ACTIVITY: Cultivating Your Support Partner Relationship            
Spend time with your support partner. Get to know him/her. Become aware of his/her goals and needs and let him/her know yours. Let your partner know specifically what it is you need to feel supported. Then allow that person to give that to you. Make sure you give it to them as well. (If you have difficulty accepting support, this is the time to break through that block. Let them support you in small ways and allow it to grow). This process will also allow you the opportunity to learn what it means to support someone else. Create a schedule for your ongoing meetings and keep to it.

Never Give Up On A Person            
Another step in creating a win-win environment  is to never give up on a person. This means to go with the person as far as you can. Often we discard an individual or their efforts way before we give them a full chance. But mistakes are not fatal, but part of the process of exploration. When we are free to make mistakes and not be cast out for it, the level and quality of our relationships grows beyond all expectation. By making the decision to relate to our partner’s strength and to stay with them through thick and thin, a sense of safety is created, where all have a place to grow. This level of support and understanding allows both partners to give their all.    




Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.