Everyone Wins Mediation: Improve your Marriage

          
    Many times we begin to feel stuck in our relationships, as though it’s impossible to make the changes we want. However, there are easy, unfailing steps we can take to turn things around. These steps will open both new vistas to view the relationship through, and new doors. Two basic steps follow:

STEP 1:  Realize that for things to be different, you must be different.            
Many try to change their relationships by finding what’s wrong in their partner, fixing it, talking things over endlessly or if that doesn’t work, finding someone new. They do not realize that whatever is happening, they are participating in it, and wherever they go, they start, they take themselves along. In order to create the relationship you want, you must take time to become new.

Commit to spending even 15 minutes a day, every day, in this endeavor. During this personal time, take complete responsibility for what is happening in the relationship. This does not mean “blaming yourself”. It means take a good look at what you are doing to keep this going, and what benefits you are getting out of the situation as it is right now.

When you see you part in the situation you become empowered to make real changes. Make a list of what you want from your partner. Make a list of what they want from you. Start off by giving them what they want, and giving what you want to yourself. The less needy you are, the more space you give your partner to feel good about giving to you.

STEP 2:  How you think affects you and how others respond to you.            
Our thoughts are not really secret or silent. When we secretly blame, criticize or want to change another, we create an atmosphere, which pushes people away. Stop indulging in negative thinking. Realize this is a choice you make. You have the power to change the way you think. You can choose positive, loving thoughts. You can stop the endless stream of inner and outer negativity that assaults each of us daily. You are stronger than your negative thoughts. 

Watch which thoughts you are dwelling upon. Choose to turn them around. Replace each negative thought with a positive one. Do this for a short, but concentrated period throughout the day. When you look at your partner, say to yourself, “I salute the goodness in you.” On some level they will hear you, feel uplifted and respond. What you are really doing here is calling forth the best in them. And in yourself.



Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.