We all feel that the world is stable and that loss will not come into our lives. When it does, not only do we experience deep sorrow, but confusion and helplessness can arise. It takes time to absorb these changes. Along with a sense of abandonment and sorrow, anger and struggle often replace the comfort and strength an individual needs.Yet crisis means opportunity. This period can become a time of growth and inspiration when handled properly. When the journey of loss and change is properly understood and handled, much later grief and difficulty can also be forestalled.
Each person reacts differently. These differences must be respected. Some feel alone and abandoned. Others feel cheated by life, angry and threatened. Some reach out for love and comfort, others take time to be alone or withdraw. For some the need arises to maintain stability at all costs. They may go into denial and pretend that nothing much has gone on.
Of course, sooner or later, reactions do arise. Reality sets in. When an individual feels more able to cope, the repressed feelings arise to the forefront. It is important not to judge yourself or others for their way of reacting. When the individual is accepted for who they are at the moment, it is easier for them to let go, and move on.
In order to move through loss and change, and be able to start again, it is important to allow oneself to experience what happened directly. It is necessary to realize that pain is not necessarily bad, it is natural; and change is an inevitable part of life. Once we stop fearing and fighting our feelings but instead allow ourselves to feel them, to listen to them closely, not only do we grow stronger, but the pain is then able to dissolve. We are then involved in the process of acceptance, of making friends with all of life. In this way we are actually healing and developing new strength.
EXERCISE: Express your feelings. Feelings that are repressed come out later in different ways, including various physical symptoms, phobias and unwanted behaviors. If we do not address our feelings in one mode, they will appear in another - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It takes courage and strength to face our situation directly, and come to terms. Do not try to control or resist feelings. When they arise be gentle with yourself, kind and patient. When these feelings are not resisted, they pass more easily. Not only will you find new comfort, but you will then become able to move forward and start again.
Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.
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