Everyone Wins Mediation: Angry? Let it Go

     In this culture the expression of anger is often encouraged. It is thought to be good to assert ourselves in opposition to others, stand up for our rights, not to permit ourselves to become victims of abuse. From this point of view, the expression of anger is seen to be strength. Once we express this anger we feel we are no longer victims. What we do not recognize is that we may still be victims of the anger, which rages within.

We justify our anger by deciding that some people are “bad” and worthy of being punished. Others are worthy of punishing them. We do not see that human life is fluid, bad turns to good and the other way around. We can be saints one moment, devils the next. Who we are is a process, which contains many permutations. When we choose not to judge and hate others, when we recognize their anger (and our own) for what it is – a sudden storm and affliction, we do not give it power and it soon evaporates.

When we do not return hate for hate, the beginning of peace becomes possible. When hatred, fear and anger arises it is necessary to become centered and experience them as they are. When we are able to stay steady and balanced during the experience of anger, not go into an automatic reaction and attack in return, the anger dissolves and is inevitably replaced by compassion and insight. We are able to see our part in contributing to the upset and become able to defuse it easily.

The  Self-Centered Mind.            
The self-centered mind is violent, competitive, full of condemnation and wants good for oneself and not another. It sees enemies wherever it looks, loves to block out reality and superimpose fantasies upon all that occurs. When its personal needs and desires are not met, rage arises, destroying its peace and the peace of others. By learning to recognize the self centered mind for what it is, not support or fuel it in anyway, we become senior to it, stronger than it, and then have access to our real treasure within, our natural ability to love, the part of ourselves which always knows how to resolve conflict and bring lasting peace.            

When the self-centered mind rules, hate and destruction can flare up in any moment, both in ourselves or others. Not only our peace, but our lives can be completely shaken. How we handle these onslaughts is of the utmost importance. In the middle of the turbulence, the activity of peace tells us to become silent and steady. Regain our balance. Do not react to anger but focus deeply upon the truth of who you are.  


Dr Brenda Shoshanna, speaker, divorce mediator and author, is a relationship expert. Some of her books include, "The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living)" and"Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships)." Learn more about her at: http://www.brendashoshanna.com. Contact at: topspeaker@yahoo.com.