Dr. Romance: Dating Do’s and Don’ts

    After a divorce, it's hard to get back to the love game. But eventually, you'll want to try your hand at dating again. So here are some tips to help:

DO'S

1. Do shop around.
Keep options open until you make a choice.

2. Do listen.
You'll learn more if you relax and listen more than you talk.

3. Do focus on friendship.
Concentrate on developing the friendship. Romance follows later.

4. Do get feedback.
Offer your comments on the event or the restaurant, and ask your date what he or she thinks.

5. Do let your date know if you had fun.
A compliment is always welcome. If you'd like meet again, say so.

6. Keep your promises.
 If you've decided not to see this date again, don't make empty promises. Call if you said you would.

7. Do tell the truth.
But not too much. You don't need to tell about other dates if you’re not exclusive.

8. Do pay attention.
Seek to discover your date’s character, not just looks and charm.


DON'TS

1. Discuss exclusivity.
Don't assume you’re dating exclusively if you haven’t discussed it.

2. Don't be afraid of a little silence.
Allow the conversation to flow naturally and unforced.

3. Don't rush into sex.
Going slowly into sex reduces the risk of STDs; avoids the awkwardness of intimacy with a total stranger; stops codependent obsession; and makes sex more special. There's no advantage in rushing -- when sex is right, it will happen.

4. Don't date beyond your budget.
It doesn't impress your date if it isn’t real, and "buying” someone’s company doesn't work. Discuss income differences frankly early on.  If your date spends a lot you can even the tally with a home-cooked meal, a handmade gift, or needed repair work.

5. Don't get too self-conscious. 
The media focus on youth and fitness can make you feel insecure and unattractive. Look your best, and then forget about it. Instead of worrying what your date thinks of you, focus on what you think of your date.

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids."  She can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.