divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

help  :: advice

Dr. Romance: Dating Do’s and Don’ts

Dr. Romance: Dating Do’s and Don’ts

Dating after Divorce: Tips to Help You Find Love after the Divorce


    After a divorce, it's hard to get back to the love game. But eventually, you'll want to try your hand at dating again. So here are some tips to help:


1. Do shop around.
Keep options open until you make a choice.

2. Do listen.
You'll learn more if you relax and listen more than you talk.

3. Do focus on friendship.
Concentrate on developing the friendship. Romance follows later.

4. Do get feedback.
Offer your comments on the event or the restaurant, and ask your date what he or she thinks.

5. Do let your date know if you had fun.
A compliment is always welcome. If you'd like meet again, say so.

6. Keep your promises.
 If you've decided not to see this date again, don't make empty promises. Call if you said you would.

7. Do tell the truth.
But not too much. You don't need to tell about other dates if you’re not exclusive.

8. Do pay attention.
Seek to discover your date’s character, not just looks and charm.


1. Discuss exclusivity.
Don't assume you’re dating exclusively if you haven’t discussed it.

2. Don't be afraid of a little silence.
Allow the conversation to flow naturally and unforced.

3. Don't rush into sex.
Going slowly into sex reduces the risk of STDs; avoids the awkwardness of intimacy with a total stranger; stops codependent obsession; and makes sex more special. There's no advantage in rushing -- when sex is right, it will happen.

4. Don't date beyond your budget.
It doesn't impress your date if it isn’t real, and "buying” someone’s company doesn't work. Discuss income differences frankly early on.  If your date spends a lot you can even the tally with a home-cooked meal, a handmade gift, or needed repair work.

5. Don't get too self-conscious. 
The media focus on youth and fitness can make you feel insecure and unattractive. Look your best, and then forget about it. Instead of worrying what your date thinks of you, focus on what you think of your date.

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She has authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids"; “The Commuter Marriage: Keeping your Relationship Close While you’re Far Apart”; "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free"; "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again"; and, “It Ends with You: Grow Up and Grow Out of Dysfunction.”  Tina can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.

divorce New this week::

Transition Institute: Telling Your Spouse You want to Split - Mental Health: The Dos, Don'ts of Telling Your Spouse You Want a Divorce


Your Kid Wants To Live With Ex - Tips On How To Cope If Your Child Wants To Change Homes


Living with a Habitual Liar? - Relationships: Four Ways You Can Tell if Your Spouse is Telling You a Whopper


divorce Community::
popular blogs
get/give answers
I need someone to talk...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 

expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out

2. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

3. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

4. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

5. Beginning Checklist: Planning to File for Divorce
12 Steps to Consider if You or Your Partner Have Decided to File for Divorce