Divorce and Eating Disorders

    If you think eating disorders are only for teen-age girls, think again. Older women face the same issues, and the stress of an eating disorder on both the sufferer and the spouse can lead to divorce.  It's called the "Desperate Housewives Syndrome," because ever since the show debuted on television several years ago, middle-aged women have been inspired to look thinner than ever. 

"They're also thin and it puts pressure on women in their thirties, forties and fifties to think that it is possible to have this glamorous lifestyle and a great sex life if you're skinny," said Dr. Chris Freeman in an article in "New Age." "I believe it's influencing women to have eating disorders. Lots of women diet and lose weight quickly, but they aren't obsessive and perfectionist enough to sustain it."  

According to Dr. Donald McAlpine, director of Mayo Clinic's eating disorders services, stress is a major cause of  the problem.

"If the person in the relationship who has an eating disorder will not get professional help or is not responding to treatment, the partner of the person with the eating disorder will generally feel powerless to help their loved one," says Julie Sponsler, a therapist in Philadelphia, Pa., who specializes in marriage and family therapy and eating disorders. "This is a difficult place to be and can result in a strained relationship between the partners. Some partners may  take the eating disorder behaviors personally wondering what they did to cause the behavior or thinking that if the partner who has the eating disorder loved them more, they could just stop." 

According to WebMD.com, the middle-aged victims "are often living productive lives and want to fight midlife weight gain. Or there may be an emotional crisis that triggers it."   "Depression springs from a divorce, a death, a child who has left home. Her self-esteem may be suffering. She may feel lonely."  

Therapist Julie Sponsler says that spouses of women with eating disorders should recognize it as a valid illness, not solely a reaction to food or appearance. 

"Remember that all forms of eating disorders are emotionally based and the eating disorder is never really about the food but a way for the person to deal with emotional and stress related issues," she said. She recommended that spouse avoid negative discussions about food, instead caring about the individual inside.  "Never comment on the person’s weight. Never comment on what the person is eating. Gently express concern and learn to listen attentively," she said.

"For the person who has an eating disorder, it is very important to get professional help as soon as possible from a qualified therapist who specializes in eating disorders or, depending on the severity of the eating disorder, the person may need to be hospitalized or may need to attend a residential program or an intensive outpatient program," she said. 

"It is very difficult to heal from an eating disorder without treatment," she said.

According to WebMD.com, some eating problems occur during pregnancy or after having a child.