divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

help  :: advice
Print
Email

Are You Ready For Divorce?


Are You Ready For Divorce?


Three Key Questions You Must Ask Yourself


By CLARE HEICKLEN

Q: Am I ready for divorce?

A:
Couples always ask, when do they know it’s time to divorce. Usually, they know, but are hesitant to act because the loss is great, the future unknown and change is difficult. Financial problems, infidelity, domestic violence and addiction are common reasons couples seek divorce.


Many have been unhappy for a long time and have emotionally exited the relationship some time ago. Rarely spouses see themselves as contributing to the problem which leads to blaming. Excessive fighting, withdrawal of affection and dismissive behaviors seldom address the underlying emotional issues. Feeling unloved, unheard, betrayed or undesirable are some of these emotional issues.

Here are three things to consider when asking yourself the question: "Am I ready to divorce?"

1. First identify your underlying needs, desires and wants that are not being met.
How do you personally fill those needs? Then ask yourself, can my spouse realistically meet these needs? What qualities do you want in a partner? Does my partner possess these qualities? Many times spouses try to change one another, only to be further disappointed. You can only change yourself, and your relationship to these issues.

2. Ask yourself, can you individually or together better solve the martial problems.
Often times, spouses remain together for financial reasons. Becoming self sufficient financially not only shifts the relationship, but increases self-esteem, decreases depression, and also provides a good role model for children. Alimony and child support rarely cover all the financial needs.

3. Be realistic and do your homework prior to separating.
How will you financially take care of yourself? Devise a financial plan, future goals, and childcare plan. Research the costs of hiring an attorney, mediation or arbitration. Will you seek sole or joint custody?

Planning helps to give you a sense of control and helps you look towards the future, rather than dwell on the past.  




Clare Heicklen is a marriage family therapist with an M.A. in clinical psychology. She has worked in private practice in adult, child and family therapy and is a member of the American Associationf or Marriage and Family Therapy. She can be reached at pmjh@sbcglobal.net .




divorce New this week::

Ask the Attorney: Should I Divorce while Pregnant? - And Yes, the Baby is His…

 

Should You Warn The Next One? - My Ex Did Me Wrong, But I’m Not Sure if I Should Kiss and Tell

 

The Divorce Organizer: Visitation is for Kids - It Belongs to Your Child, Not You

 

divorce Community::
popular blogs
Sexting
So, I have found out that my husband has been sexting another female. When I...read more 

He left me 6 months pregnant . for another girl or not?
My husband and I were together for 11 years. We have a 9 year old girl...read more 

Free 10M neverwinter astral diamonds on safewow.com is wating for you on 2014 Easter
A lot of us have come across to Asia from Europe, where summer is still a long...read more 

get/give answers
Should I sstay or should I go?
I have been married four years to a very wonderful man. He has 4 children and I...Read Answers/share yours 

Husband is an addict and now he's trolling craigslist personals.
My husband is an addict who always lies about everything. He recently relapsed...Read Answers/share yours 

When do you know that you have tried everything?
We have been to 3 different marriage councellers during the last 5 years. The...Read Answers/share yours 

expert Q&As
Faith Therapy : Does a Separation Work?
My Husband and I Are Having Trouble. Is It a Good Idea for Us to Separate?...read more 

Stress Relief: Tips to Help after Separation
Mental Health: Overwhelmed by Changes in Household Routine. What Should I do?...read more 

About Law: Do Divorce Kits Work?
Legal: What You Should Consider When You Think About Divorcing Using a Kit...read more 


expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Find divorce professionals in your area

Find lawyers
Find financial professionals
Find coaches
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. Eager To Check Those Texts?
Think your Spouse is Cheating? Professionals Can Check Text Messages

2. Are You Reading Your Spouses Text Messages?
Stop! It May Be Illegal & May Hurt Your Case

3. The Signs Of A Controlling Spouse
If Your Spouse Is Doing This, They Are Controlling

4. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

5. They Won't Leave? Now What?
You Want a Divorce, but Your Spouse Won’t Leave. Here’s How to Get 'em out