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4 Must Do's To Moving On


4 Must Do's To Moving On


How To Get Out Of That Emotional Blackhole


By TINA TESSINA

    You thought you married until death you do part. But for some reason, it just didn't work out that way. After a divorce, it's sometimes tough to move on emotionally. How do you get out of the emotional dark and get back to life again? Here are four tips to help.

1. If you gave it your best shot, and you know it's over, don't waste time in resentment and anger, it’s self-destructive.
Let go. Do your grieving, cry, journal, and talk about alone, or with a trusted friend. Have a “letting go” ceremony with close friends, and say goodbye to your married life. Put reminders away for a while.


2. Don’t hesitate to get therapy.
It's normal to need help you through this transition, so you can grieve what's lost (even if you’re the one who left, you've lost your hopes and dreams for this marriage) and move your focus on to building a good life in your new circumstance. A professional viewpoint will help you move from past to present, and plan for the future.

3. Take care of yourself financially -- a good lawyer can help you fight for your rights. 
You'll feel a lot less resentment if you get your fair share of the assets.

4.  This is an important time to have your friends or family around you, you need support. 
Don't isolate. You don't have to go right out and date again (go slow with that) but you should have a social life with friends and family. Even if you don't think you feel ready to see people, see your closest friends and spend time with them. They'll help you heal, and remind you that you still have people who love you.

Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She has authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids"; “The Commuter Marriage: Keeping your Relationship Close While you’re Far Apart”; "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free"; "The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again"; and, “It Ends with You: Grow Up and Grow Out of Dysfunction.”  Tina can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.




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