Leave your Personal Life at the Door

    Personal problems such as divorce or a troubled marriage often become so overwhelming that they threaten to sabotage all aspects of one’s life, including career.  During this challenging time, it becomes especially important to exercise as much “damage control” as possible. 

In order to maintain your professional life despite your personal problems, you’ll need to prioritize at work in ways you might not have done in the past. To help you, divorce360.com asked for help from some divorce experts who offered career tips.

1. Keep your Divorce Private.
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., who also goes by the name Dr. Romance, is a licensed psychotherapist and author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage." Tessina suggests avoiding telling anyone at work about the divorce unless they need to know for business reasons (if you have to take time off for court, your boss will need to know why). "Keep your personal life to yourself. That will make it much easier to leave your divorce stress out of the office."

2. Talk about Your Problems with Someone Outside of Work.
Tessina suggests finding someone outside of work that you can talk to about your marital problems. "It's too expensive to talk to your attorney, and you need somewhere to blow off the steam," she said. She thinks it's a good idea to ask a good friend or a family member for support. If no one is available, go for counseling. "As a counselor, I have lawyers who refer divorcing clients to me. I can help them calm down, stop them from acting out (which has severe repercussions in divorce) and help them decide how to talk to the mediator, the judge, their family members and in-laws, and their children about the situation," she said.

3. Keep Work at Work and Home at Home.
Compartmentalize, Tessina said. "When you get in your car at home, shut the car door on the divorce -- give yourself that drive time to escape the divorce problems.  When you get out of your car at work, firmly shut the car door on any personal thoughts and get into work mode. When you leave work, shut the work door on work problems, and don't take them home. If you compartmentalize like this, you'll get some relief and your problems won't overlap each other.                      

4. Try to Schedule your Court Dates Convenient to your Work Schedule.
"You don't want to miss any more work than you have to. The good news is you may not have to!," said Nancy J. Dreeben, Esq., matrimonial and family attorney. "Judges recognize that people need to work. In fact, money is generally the main issue in a divorce. If there is a legitimate reason to put the case on the 3 p.m. calendar as opposed to the 9:30 a.m. calendar, a judge is likely to do so. If your case is on the 9:30 a.m. calendar,  it is very likely that there are lots of other cases on at the same time so it may take hours to have your case called. When you are on the 3 p.m. calendar, your case may be the only one on so you could be in and out."

5. Try to Schedule Other Appointments Convenient to your Work Schedule.
"If child custody is disputed, it is not uncommon for a litigant to have to meet with the child’s attorney and/or court appointed expert. Again, it never hurts to ask for appointments convenient to your work schedule. If you ask for an evening appointment, it is possible you will get one," Dreeban said.

6. Give your Employer Adequate Notice when You Do Have to Miss Work. 
Dreeban said most court dates are arranged at least one month in advance. "Provide your employer with your court date and time as soon as possible and offer to make up your time before the court date. If you have a 9:30 a.m. court date, then see if you can work in the afternoon. Don’t miss a whole day for a three hour court date. You need the money and your employer needs you," she said.