Process Checklist: Moving Through the Courts

    The divorce has been filed, and you’re moving through emotional, financial and legal issues. Nothing about divorce is ever easy. As you work through the process, you will be faced with a number of issues that range from grief over the loss of your relationship to confusion over visitation and custody issues, if you have children. While you're struggling with all the details, here is a list of things to think about while you're in the thick of it all.

1. CONSIDER A THERAPIST.
If you haven’t already engaged a therapist, it may be helpful to consider therapy now. As you move through this difficult time, having someone who can listen and guide your emotional health is crucial. Pay attention to yourself and focus on the positive. You may even need medication to deal with anxiety as the process continues. Also, you may want to consider therapy for your children, if you haven’t already.  

2. KEEP EMOTIONS OUT OF IT.
Try not to engage in long battles with your spouse about issues from finances to child care. This will only prolong the difficulties over the long haul. A court will decide many of these issues anyway. Leave the legal work up to your attorney. Keep communication calm and civil and document any issues between you and your spouse in case you may need them for court. Remember, any written communication can end up in a legal proceeding, so be careful what you say and how you say it. 

3. FIND A JOB IF YOU NEED TO.
If you have been out of the workforce for some time or you have been a stay-at-home mother, you may want to consider talking with your attorney about finding a job. If he or she agrees, consider your professional options. A part-time position may be the chance for you to reenter the workplace. Or a freelance job may offer more flexibility if you have youngsters at home.  

4. STAY SINGLE.
If you haven’t already, do not start a new relationship yet. Consider putting this aspect of your life on hold until after the paperwork is complete. Depending on the family law in your state, a relationship outside of your marriage, no matter when it began, can become a point of contention during the formal divorce process. Note that in a state where this is an issue, any e-mail, notes, computer records, phone calls, bills or even your E-Z Pass bill can be used in a legal proceeding to prove infidelity. And with upheaval in your world, you may want to avoid this emotional commitment for a number of reasons, including potential legal ones.  

5. IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, CONSIDER A COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE.
If you haven’t already thought about this before you filed, now is the time to give this more consideration. In this process, legal, financial and child care experts work together to get your family through the divorce with as little damage as possible. This kind of divorce can be particularly helpful for your children, who can feel stuck in the middle as you argue your differences in the legal process. In the long run, this can help your parenting relationship with your soon-to-be former spouse. Click here to read more about working together for a collaborative divorce...