Dr. Romance: Ending your Marriage

    As a counselor, I’ve helped lots of couples solve difficult relationship problems, but it isn’t always possible. Here are three reasons to know it’s time to let it go:

1. Your partner keeps going out of bounds.
Your partner is struggling with compulsive behavior – either sexual compulsion to keep having affairs, spending money on porn – or other compulsive behaviors such as gambling, drugs, alcohol or losing money on the stock market.  If you’ve caught your spouse out of bounds before, and he or she keeps repeating the behavior, it’s an addiction that’s out of control. If your spouse won’t get proper treatment, or treatment hasn’t worked, leaving the relationship may be your only choice. Paradoxically, leaving an addicted spouse is often the only thing that breaks through the denial.

2. Violence, verbal or sexual abuse.
If you or your children are subjected to violence, verbal abuse or sexual abuse, it’s important for you to get safety for yourself and your children. Report the abuse, get a restraining order, and get out of the relationship.

3. You tried therapy – it didn’t work.
If you and your spouse have been to couples’ therapy, given it a good effort, and it didn’t fix the problems or stop your fighting and teach you to communicate, perhaps one or both of you haven’t enough motivation left to stay together.  


Tina Tessina, Ph.D., has been a licensed California psychotherapist for more than 30 years. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids."  She can be reached at tina@tinatessina.com.