Stigma of Divorce Still Exists

     When 57-year old Joan Brown faced divorce, she never expected it toend all relationships she once had with friends, neighbors and family.

"Neighbors look at you with pity," she says."The worst is seeing them watch you and pointing at your house. No family members on his side or mutual friends have called."

Brown left her job at a non-profit organization due to disability. From that point on, she says, everyone from her husband to former friends and her her mother-in-law spread rumors about her - from saying that her disability was fake to rumors about her husband leaving her, some so painful that she refuses to repeat them.

"It's very embarrassing. My daughter hears about it at school. It's hard to deal with people talking about you behind your back."

Statistics show that today, half of all marriages end in divorce. But what statistics don't show is what it is like to live with divorce.  For Brown, who lives in a Minneapolis suburb, it is difficult to go out without feeling the stigma.

"The area we live in is kind of a small community. You always run into everyone. When you see people turning their backs and walking quickly, you know that they're trying to avoid you," she says.

According to therapist Hope Weiss, the stigma we feel about divorce may not be placed on us by society -- we may be placing it onourselves. "I think people still put a stigma on divorce themselves. I don't think society put a stigma as much as it used to," says Weiss, an LCSW in Longmont, Col.

According to Weiss, one reason divorcees don't seek support from others is because they expect people to think negatively. "Sometimes people think that people won't be as supportive, and they will be supportive. Other people may not have the same negative view."



FIND SUPPORT WITH FAMILY

The solution, she says, is to find support through friends and family. But what if, like Brown, nobody is there to help you? "I recommend that people reach out to the people they already have in their life and if they're not getting support, they need a new support system," Weiss says.

That new support system could come in the form of new friends, therapy or via a support group. One such group is Rebuilding, founded by Dr. Bruce Fisher. The 10-week program is found in all 50 states and in Australia, Canada, Mexico and the United Kingdom.