Peter Post's New Year's Etiquette

Divorce360: I attended a New Year’s party where a woman whose husband had just left her for another showed up in an incredibly revealing outfit. I knew she just wanted to feel attractive again. Still, it was awkward to see her hanging out everywhere. What about  the proper New Year’s Eve attire? “There’s a difference between dressing provocatively and dressing to be stunning,” said Post. “Someone with a sheer blouse with nothing on underneath is embarrassing herself. On the other hand, women of all sizes and shapes can dress to make themselves showstoppers. You want to dress so people are knocked over by how attractive you are, rather than by how sexually risqué you are.”  

Divorce360: How about that New Year’s Eve kiss? What do you do if couples all around you are kissing at the stroke of midnight and there you are, all by yourself, or maybe, more awkwardly, with someone who’s a first date?  “You’re an adult. So, stop the angst. Relax, and go with the flow,” said Post. “If you’re there with friends, don’t worry about the kiss. If you’re there with a new date, just give a quick kiss and social hug. It doesn’t have to be a three-minute passionate tongue thing.”  

Divorce360: What about drinking?  “First, if you’re going to drink, be responsible and have a designated driver. Second, if you’re newly single or in the midst of a divorce, be more moderate than you normally would be because you do things when you get bombed that you might regret the next morning,” Post said. “If you do something that makes you feel like you have to apologize the morning after, you drank too much. So, be careful. Know where your line is and hold it.”  

Divorce360: What about having your date sleep over? Particularly, if there are children. Sleeping over can happen so easily because you’re getting home late.  “So much depends on your children’s ages.  How are you going to talk about the fact that there’s going to be someone else in the house tonight? You have to give your children the opportunity to absorb the whole concept because it’s a big step and shouldn’t be taken lightly,” Pos said. “It can be harder for a teen to handle this than a seven-year old. What about your teenage daughter, who may come out in a t-shirt and stumble into date? Or the teenage boy who sees a girl in a skimpy nightie coming out of dad’s room? It may be better to get a sitter to stay at your house all night so you can go to your date’s house. Bottom line: this is something you have to decide long before December 31.”              

Whether you stay in and have a lovely evening all by yourself, or go out and have a great time with friends, when they start singing “Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?” show up in your new life in a classy way. “No more victim stuff. Get off it,” said Dr. Gilda. “It’s grow up time. If you don’t want to do it this year, you’re going to have to do it next year or the year after. So, don’t put off the inevitable.”  



Laurie S. Moison (Hall) has written for newspapers in Vermont, New Hampshire, Delaware, and Washington, D. C. Author of four books, including "An Affair of the Mind," she has lectured nationally on sexuality, forgiveness, ethics and spirituality. She can be reached at lhall@together.net.