Faith Therapy: Marital Security Upset by Business Deal

Q: After 29 years of marriage, a major breach has occurred between my husband and myself in that he used our daughter’s credit, without her knowledge or mine, to finance a business deal that went awry. She happened upon this discovery when she tried to get her first apartment and was denied for bad credit. This has divided our very stable family as never before and speaks to my husband’s lifelong history of being non-communicative and socially isolated. I have learned to live with his silence but I have never felt included in his life or valued for my input. While he feels deeply remorseful about what happened, I do not know how long I can continue to live this way. How can we mend this?  

A: Consider this a MAJOR wake-up call that your marriage cannot be all it is intended to be without intimate knowledge of one another’s life concerns. It sounds like your husband has made his work the top priority in his life in an almost desperate kind of way and has put you in the position of making all the necessary adjustments to his quiet and downright sneaky nature at great expense to you and your daughter. 

If your desire is to continue the marriage, you may want to use this startling incident as an example of what you absolutely will not tolerate in the marriage ever again. You have to be more assertive in drawing your line in the sand and setting consequences when your husband dismisses and disrespects your rights as his wife. 

Your husband has a right to be introverted and appreciative of his solitude. He does not have a right to treat you as a potted plant when it comes to sharing important information and making decisions that affect the entire household, thus jeopardizing the security of you and your daughter. I suggest you read "The Secrets Men Keep" by Stephen Arterburn for further insight.

Pamela Thompson, Psy. D., is the owner of Building Bridges to Better Lives, P.C., in south Atlanta. She works together with a group of psychologists at a life and executive coaching firm known as The Novem Group, novemgroup.com. Answers provided by this column are no substitute for therapy.