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My Husband Told Me That He Wants a Divorce.


My Husband Told Me That He Wants a Divorce.


Her Mentor Center: What Do I Do Now?


By DR. ROSEMARY LICHTMAN  and  DR. PHYLLIS GOLDBERG

Q:  I feel like I'm still in shock. I knew we were having problems, but I never thought my husband would give up on us. When he came home and told me that he wanted a divorce, I felt like the floor under me gave way. What do I do now? I don't know where to begin. 
    
A:  What you're going through is a process, and how you feel today may very well be different from tomorrow. The choices you make each day will change and strengthen you, making this difficult transition easier. You don't have to do everything at once – there is plenty of time. Whenever you feel anxious, take in several deep breaths, each time letting go of the tension as you exhale. When you are relaxing your body, the stress you feel is more manageable.     

You are in the midst of suffering a very significant loss. Acknowledge that you need to mourn all that you have lost and grieve by whatever means work best for you. Share your pain, frustration and anger with close friends and people you trust. Joining a divorce group is one way of being nurtured by others who clearly understand what you're going through.


Gathering information will help you begin to deal with the emotional and practical aspects of your divorce. There's pertinent material readily available on the Internet, in books and from seminars. Talking with experts and others who have had similar feelings will help clarify your experience. Evaluate your strengths and the resources that have helped you through difficult times in the past. When have you been on your own and able to count on yourself? How have you faced other challenges head-on? As you become more aware of your abilities you will find ways to apply them and, in the process, build resiliency.

Right now, you need to take care of yourself - whether that means consulting a lawyer about your rights, having your children see a family therapist, discharging your emotions through exercise – or all of these. Relying on the love of family and the support of friends can make a world of difference in how you handle this unwanted transition in your life. As your first step, begin by putting one foot in front of the other. Before you know it, you will have the momentum you need to keep going. And by trusting yourself, you will have the courage to work your way through the healing process, one step at a time.

   


Dr. Rosemary Lichtman and Dr. Phyllis Goldberg have guided their clients through reassessing their lives, before, during and after divorce. They created http://www.HerMentorCenter.com, which provides coaching services and a free e-zine, and are co-authors of the book Family Relationships




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