When Is a Marriage Worth Saving?

In addition, her husband wasn't expressive, she said. "Everyone has a different way of showing their affection. My husband had never been given a kiss as an adult and said at our wedding, 'That was the first time I remember my mom giving me a kiss,' and he told me that, and I couldn't believe it. You grow up and think everybody's the same, but they're not. You have to deal with your issues and his issues. You don't know what happened in the past."

That's the main problem in relationships, Bill Wear, Jr. said. "It's basically an accumulation of life experiences and emotional impacts that life's had on that individual. That's what they haven't specifically dealt with, and when they get to the part of being full of the impact of the past, our tendency is to blame somebody else, and a spouse is the closest target."

"We interpret the pain as something someone else is doing and need to heal those things so they won't be projected on the other person. What you have and who you are is a result of your growing up. Nobody's family is perfect," he added.

Cavanaugh thinks relationships get worse when children leave the house. "They enter a crisis when their children enter high school and leave for college. They find that all they are good at is parenting together, not much else," she said.

Looking back, Bahler realizes that she ignored everything that was wrong in the relationship. "In the end, when you are married, if you look at it in a business form, it's like a long relationship. It's much the same as a business. When you marry someone, you not only marry the person, but you marry the family and everything about that person, their background."

"You can fall in love with someone, but you can fall out of love with someone," she added.

Wear said a relationship can still be repaired, even if people have fallen out of love. "Now, love and friendship have the chance to happen if you have two individuals mature enough to assist the other person to be their partner in life. Before giving in to this new relationship, you should know that you are responsible for your own happiness. We both know that, and then as partners, people can assist each other to learn who they need to be," he said.

He said American culture tricks people into thinking love is perfect. "When I grew up watching TV, and with our culture, it all looks like happiness is out there somewhere. If you have the right house, money, girlfriend, boyfriend, car, pair of jeans, beer, then its going to be great. None of that's true, and until you try all that, find it unsuccessful, most people are still trying to line up their ducks. A relationship is one of those ducks, and rarely does it bring much happiness. That's why you see so many successful people who go through husbands and wives like tissue paper, because they think they can be as successful in their relationships as they are making money," he said.